Chennai Chettinad Chapter 2: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I came to Chennai on August 2nd, 2005. My orientation was supposed to be on August 4th but my parents wanted to visit the ‘Green’ IIT Madras campus so we landed up early. A little bit of background. My two cousin brothers who were the pass outs of IIT Madras were the living remains which tells the horrifying story of the food served in the Mess at IIT Madras. I was very determined that I am going to prove them wrong. I am going to accept, adapt and evolve. My first lunch at IIT Madras mess - I took Rasam in the bowl. Trust me it was a daring step if you had seen the look of that thing. I soon realized that it was a deadly step too. I couldn’t get it down. That was my first and the last try at having Rasam.

And that’s how it all started – the great Chennai chapter of my life which is coming to an end on July 23, 2010. Almost 5 years. Like all other place this place also has its worst and its best.

Lets talk about worst first because bitching is always more fun…
1.Autowallah: There was never a time when I asked an autowallah to go somewhere and he didn’t reply with a figure as large as the Avogadro number. You ask them to go anywhere and they will say 200. It’s the only figure I guess they know. The trick is to never approach the autos standing in a group, know the approximate fare beforehand and tell them if they will go in that or cut short whatever they say to one fourth. But still they would be a pain in the ass.

2 Language: The people here don’t understand Hindi. I understand, it happens. But the most bizarre thing is that for one moment they will be talking in Hindi and as soon as the conversation starts going against their way, they forget every single word they ever knew about Hindi.

3.Metro: Chennai aint a metro. If this is a metro then Bhopal is also a metro. And Indore is a super metro. Chennai is like DD Metro. Metro in the name but nothing inside it. For a long long time it was the city with two malls out of which one is Spencer Plaza which is less of a mall and
more of Palika Bazar. With three multiplexes, McDonalds starting their first outlet in 2008 and city shutting down at 9.00PM. Chennai aint metro.It’s the largest village of the country.

4.Culture: I have never been able to come to terms with the claim of it being a ‘Traditional City’. Almost all the people try to moral police on the grounds of their self proclaimed affection towards the Indian Culture. I have always believed that culture is anything which a group of people follow. However, just because you haven’t experienced, that culture does not become objectionable. Especially when 80% of the Indian porn is supplied from down south, you have no right to object. (More on this in some other post.)

I can go on for so many things like rudeness of female passengers in the bus because sitting beside a guy will destroy their sanity or closing the bar at 11 when it’s the time you actually start. But like every city Chennai has the other side of the coin too.

The greatest thing that this city offers is peace. If you are living somewhere near the sea, you can hear the sounds of gushing waves sitting on your rooftop in the calm silent night. It is at that moment when everything wrong about this city looks worth living. There is nothing compared to driving on the ECR road, late in the night with the feel of air coming from the beach running at one side of the road. You just have to take any turn and sit on the one of the longest sea shore. As for me, all these rides have always been the contemplation rides for me. They have helped me in coming to terms with so many things.

Some quick ground rules for survival:
1. Don’t eat anything with the name Kurma.
2. Don’t hesitate to try Andhra mess. They look like shit but serve
one of the most amazing food.
3. Don’t ever pick a fight with an autowallah.
4. Don’t ever pay any money in advance to any autowallah.
5. Don’t panic when you get caught without helmet by the cops. The bribe
charges are very nominal 100-200 bucks.
6. Learn eating rice before coming here.
7. Also learn to eat without watching. It will definitely help.
8. Whenever in pain, go sit on the beach. Life will be good again.
9. Get ready to drink the most amazing beers in your life. Sweet, sour and bitter. Every flavor is available.
10.Don’t drink MGM vodka unless you are determined to die from food poisoning.

I always hated this city. I am very much sure that I will not return here. But I never thought some part of me would love somethings about this city. And it surely does.

Trivia about Rajnikanth

Modest Facts about Rajnikanth:

1. The last digit of pi is Rajnikanth. He is the end of all things


2. Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajnikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.


3. Rajnikanth got his driver’s license at the age of 16 Seconds.


4. When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth


5. Rajnikanth can build a snowman..... Out of rain


6. Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.


7. Rajnikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.


8. If you spell Rajnikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajnikanth? " It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."


9. Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.


10. Rajnikanth can hit two stones with one bird.


11. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajnikanth can get 100 percent of whatever he wants.


11. Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life¦ unless it gets in his way.


12. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to hit you, including the room itself.


13. When you say "no one's perfect", Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.


14. With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajnikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit


15. Rajnikanth can make onions cry


16. You can reach him at: gmail@Rajnikanth.com

[Disclaimer: I take no credit for this post. All the trivia has been selected by Hrishikesh Ranjharkar, My ex Love. I still love you mayte!! ;) ]

Bollywood Trivia

I have updated a series of status messages on FB and Gtalk and I thought its an good idea to compile their extended addition and post them on blog. So here it is.

Bollywood Trivia: Bollywood of 90’s was a representative of the country’s state at that time. India opened its economy and we as a nation were feeling confident and optimistic. Songs like ‘Tujhe Mirchi lagi to mein kya karoon’ denotes the changed Foreign Policy of India rubbing shoulders with all the superpowers of the world. Dialogues like – “Harkar Jeetne wale ko baazigar kehte” showed the optimism we had in our blood. It also showed the state of Indian Cricket. Such was the deepness of the 90’s Bollywood.

Bollywod Trivia: The bollywood of 90's was daring enough to flaunt the single status of the Indian youth. The songs like ' aa bhi jaa....kab se karein hain tera intezaar' and ' jab bhi koi ladki dekhoo mera dil deewana bole...ole ole ole' has been the landmark in the industry and legendary examples of the time when India was not hit by the MTV 'Dare to Date' wave. Hail Bollywood !!

Bollywood Trivia: Adding Jamalgota was a trivial revenge technique used for the villan's sidekick during the 80's and 90's in bollywood. While it created quite a funny situation, it also result a lot of difficulty for the Villain character. Andaz Apna Apna was the first film to use this technique on one of the main protagonist character. Hail AAA !

Bollywood Trivia: ‘Khiladi’ has the record of the longest ever Movie Series of Bollywood. With 7 films – “Khiladi, Main Khiladi Tu Anari, Sabse Bada Khiladi, Khiladiyon ka Khiladi, Mr. and Mrs Khiladi, International Khiladi and Khiladi 420”, Khiladi Series changed the bollywood forever. Undertaker, controversial Mud shot of Shri Shri 1008 Rekha ji and smooch of Mamta Kulkarni gave the first true International touch to Bollywood of 90’s. Songs like “jab tak rahega samose mein aloo, tera rahunga oh meri shalu” paved the way for the corny lyrics which has been a main character of Bollywood of 90’s. Hail Khiladi !!

Ten Commandments

1. Get four friends in life and share a single bed with them. The sleep will be long remembered ( All for good reasons, If you know what I mean)

2. Never ever be afraid to try things. Booze, Fag, Grass, Floyd, Depp, Wodehouse – Life is incomplete without experiencing them.

3. You can go and kill yourself if you are 23 and still a virgin.

4. No seriously, you need to die now. Like – Right Now!!

5. Spend your weekend only on maggi and egg once in a while.

6. If you are 23 and you don’t own a bike, I will come and kill you.

7. Stop living with your parents if you have crossed the age of 18.

8. Bitching is Nirvana.

9. Fall in love.

10. Meet Anshul Gupta and Michi once before you die.

SurReal StoWry

I was talking to my friend. Rather, I was having the most lamest possible wall chat on FB and this idea clicked me.

Okay, let’s get back and give you a background. In our company we have a ‘StoWri---March Contest’. I don’t know why it’s a ‘March contest’ when it can just be a contest. Anyways, the rule is to write a story covering this picture prompt. I was thinking about some idea and the above mentioned conversation give me this idea to write. So, here I start…



I can see a Black and a white girl in the pic.

Black and white colors are present on chessboard also.

Chess is a really interesting game.

Our national game is Hockey.

Hockey world cup is being held in India this time.

India won the cricket world cup in 1983.

In 1983, Sunny Deol debuted in Bollywood with the film Betaab.

Sunny Deol is my favorite actor.

I don’t understand why people credit Harman Baweja as an actor.

Harman Baweja acted in a film (??) based on cricket.

If cricket is a religion, Sachin is the God.

Sachin Tendulkar has the record of fastest 200 in the all forms of International cricket.

Paplu owes me 200 bucks which he now denies.

Life is hard. Denial can help. ( Courtesy : Kathryn)

So I am stuck here now and I need your help. I guess we can turn this into a game.

Rule: Just pick one word from the comment above you and continue from where it end.

(Title Courtesy: Anuja)

Mayhem Day

“In fresh violent protests against an article purportedly written by Bangladeshi writer Taslima Nasreen, a petrol bomb was hurled on the office of the Kannada daily that published it. The office of Jai Kirana, a local English eveninger, was also stoned, police said.

Miscreants forced their way into the building housing the office of New Indian Express and its sister publication Kannada Prabha, which published the article on Burqa tradition on its Sunday magazine section, and hurled a petrol bomb.”

I saw such news last time when actor Rajkumar died. Oh wait I heard it when YSR died. One sec, did it happen in Mumbai also on the North Indian issue or last year in Chennai for the Srilanka issue. Oh yeah, now I remember. It’s still happening over the Telangana issue.

I got into a pensive mode looking for a solution to this problem - the problem of destructing anything we can get our hands on when we have the chance to. I drank 4 straight cup of black coffee; Milds 20s pack was over within a couple of hours but nothing came up. How can you have a solution to a problem which is present in the world since the inception of life?

A million futile attempts later, I hopped on to my bed and crashed.

While sleeping, I realized why it’s not a good thing to drink 4 cups of black coffee. I woke up and as I was trying to get rid of it, it struck me. Such a simple solution for such a great problem! Who would have thought about that?

Now let me get straight to the solution:

( Before 17 years)

Sir: Why do we have festivals??

Pratik from the first bench: Sir, We have festivals so that we can celebrate our culture.

Sir: you are an idiot, Pratik! Yeah you tell me Sonia (* with a long smile*)

Sonia from third row: Sir, we have festivals so that we can eat sweets.

Sir: That’s brilliant Sonia. Okay now let me explain it you. We have festivals because they unite us. They give us a reason to be together and celebrate.



That was the first thing which I was told about festivals when I was in grade III. But now I realize we don’t need special days to celebrate our happiness. I mean we do need but how many of us are really happy? Deep down within us, we all are in pain and frustration.

But do we have a particular day when we can let all our frustrations out??

No we don’t!!

Then how can a person like you and I who is frustrated with the bomb blast in Pune, Shashi Throor’s tweets, biased Hockey federation, and even a crying Ponting can let out his anger in a legal and civilized manner.

The only solution is – Mayhem Day.

We should have a universal day- Mayhem Day, when we can burst out our frustration. Rather we can have Mayhem Day on a quarterly basis matching with that of the quarterly results of companies because nothing frustrates more than a dip in the share price. Respected governments should make arrangements in a park where there will be different sections for letting your anger out.

Kids section can have small plastic glasses which they can kick or small punching bags.

Ladies section can have a special throwing arena where they can throw anything they want on a heap of glass bottles.

The masculine gender’s section can have government buses or cars which they are allowed to set on fire.

Just think over this for a sec. If we can do all this officially and legally, what will be the need of a silly excuse like the death of actor Rajkumar to burn the government bus, which is anyways driven like hell. I know that this may sound farfetched but it is a proven method applied in the past.

You dont remember it?? Are you kidding??

Have you forgotten the Gladiators?

This has been the most effective technique to keep people calm other than the obvious Genocide.

BTW this news has reinforced my long time belief that we are all just a wild species who have somehow managed to grow further up in the evolution cycle. I guess such incidents show us who we really are and the potential threat we are to this planet. We are our greatest enemy.

"Patt’s - Row"

Last Sunday as I was sitting in my room, something struck me. In fact I was lying down due to shear pain. The pain from playing cricket or to add, doing anything remotely related to something called “physical exercise” straight after six months! If you ever suffered it, you might be aware, what I am talking about. You go on the practice for a corporate cricket tournament. You see the VP of your company is there. Many other big shots are also present. You try to give your extra, thinking that it might add to your appraisal process. You work hard to add that extra little pace in your bowling; try hard to convert singles into doubles. And the result is – you end up lying in your bed waiting for someone to drop some food or water in your mouth.

So while I was lying down, I was thinking about old days. Do you remember the days, when some guests used to bring those famous Dubai/ US chocolates and it was the only thing you could think about until they get over. When it used to happen with me, I used to make a deal with my younger sister to divide the stuff equally. But you know that sort of “mutual-benefit-agreement” never works out. You always remain cautious about the intention of your sibling. You make several rounds to ensure that the other one is not getting more of the lot. While at the same time, you are plotting ways to get the maximum share without making it suspicious. In the end, it always used to come to that one single day when you had a fight with your younger sister leading to cease fire by Mom-Dad and seizing all the chocolates in their own safe possession.

Now the time has changed, world has moved ahead and I am living far far away from my home. But I guess life is still the same. Chocolates have been replaced with bandwidth, sibling with roommate, but still the aim is same - to get the maximum out of it.

You see, in India we have a decent connection speed of 512kbps-1 Mbps and it is usually shared between 3-4 roommates. In my case it is shared between two, me and Pattrow(my roommate). The speed is very much sufficient for two people if they are just browsing through sites. But the real problem starts when it comes down to torrent. I guess nothing on this planet can satisfy the desired speed for torrents. So is the case with us.

Just as it used to be in the back ol’ days, we have a deal to share the connection mutually. But this evil, evil thing called torrent makes you to go for maximum. We both keep sharp eyes on each others movements. If one of us goes out of the house, even to collect mail, the other one will start the torrent immediately because he has the excuse that – “I thought you left for somewhere.”

We pay special attention to each other’s sleeping time. Whoever sleeps last has an advantage of sneaking into others room and shutting off the torrent and has the whole 1Mbps speed for the whole night at his disposal. Excuse – “I was doing something really important and with your torrents open, the speed was not coming so I switched them off”. Till now this night thing has been my forte.

Pattrow has his own ways. The modem is in his room and I have a cable connecting it to my age old desktop. So sometimes this evil creature goes to the length of pulling my data cable out of the modem and when I inquire, he fools me saying that his internet connection is not working too. Brilliant!! Isn’t it?

Last time we used some of the competitive exams, we were appearing for as our weapon. I used my CFA in December and justified that “ I have to attempt online test papers so kindly switch off the torrent” or “ I have to download this really important .pdf from net so kindly switch off your torrent” . It’s a killer tactic which is cannot, just cannot be defended. Just one flaw- Now it’s been used by Pattrow, who is using his GMAT for the same purpose. I wish he gets over it with soon and fast.

And as usual it always come down to that one single day when we both keep our foot down, add 5-6 torrent file and start downloading at the same time. “If I am not getting it, so are you”

And people say – ‘Life changes’. But I believe “zindagi isi ka naam hai mere dost” (Please add Rajesh Khanna tone and style to it!) All these little things make you feel alive. They amuse you whenever you look at them from a third person’s point of view. They give you a reason to look back at life and smile. More importantly they keep the cunning and dark part of your nature breathing and give them a reason to come back again.

PS: After revealing all the secrets, I guess we both had to work on new ways. Ideas are welcome

b-day and The V Day

Oooooh! I will be 23 tonight. 23!! I never imagined that I will reach this age.

I imagined that when I will be 15, I will get a bike - I got Hero-Puch

I Imagined that that when I will be 18, I will be in a college with tones of chicks around. (Like we see in American pie) - I landed up in IIT Madras

I imagined that when I will be 22, I will be working for all the large investment banks cracking M &A deals all by muself. I landed up in….err….I guess I am currently working in the firm so I should not comment.

So on none of the occasion I felt special as I imagined. But this b-day is new. I am feeling special. I am feeling – Fucking old!!

Yeah when ever I see the figure 23, it made me think of the little time I am left with to complete the Top-10-things-I-wish-to-do-before-28.

Why 28??? Because after that you get married.

But anyways fuck this 23 and I should let the party begin.Anyone of you who want to send gifts, flowers, booze or wish me – Just feel free to drop your contact number. I will handle the further proceedings.

And now the ‘ V’ day. The great V day. The dream of every single guy. I still remember when I was a kid, I used to dream about celebrating valentine day . In my 10th grade, I got my first chance. Me and my group of classmates which included 2 girls went in a restaurant for lunch. That was like such a ‘ Woohoo’ moment of life for me back then.

On the next valentine day, when I was in 11th grade, me and a girl with whom I used to go around went to a card store. Those used to be days when I used to get pocket money of 40 bucks a week and petrol money. We selected card, we gave them to each other, read the card and thanked each other and put the card back on shelf. It was fun!! You can give so many cards you want, without a penny shelling from your pockets. Then we moved to the gift section. We gave each other some really expensive gifts. But in the last, what started as a fun, became boring. Anyways it was the bestest V day ever.

In my college, on my first valentine day my then-gf gave me a card and a pen because we had the mid terms from next day. And a douche bag I am, I gifted her Chlormint lying in my back pocket.

I don’t have any memory for my second year V day which I quite strange but I clearly remember my third year Valentine day. I was single by then but I celebrated in a royal manner by putting up a status message wishing everyone ‘Happy Valentine Day’.
What?? This is not lame. Half of the engineering male students celebrate like this.

The fourth year V day was pretty special. Paplu set me up for a Night out Turtle walk along the Mahabalipuram beaches with a group of 6 (!!) girls. The trip never turned into reality but we got the most out of it because for one complete week, we were the guys who had a potential dates or plans for the day. That bastard Paplu still made it.

So I guess this has been the journey till now. What about this year?

Well, let’s see. Tomorrow is my b-day and I am lying down with viral but since I have 3 bottles of liquor in my cupboard, I guess we are going to celebrate it tomorrow night. Plus my roommates have arranged a secret party tonight. 

What about the V day you moron?? We are not interested in your B day. Tell us about ‘The V day’.

Oh okay. This Sunday, I will go to the office. I will burn my ass since I have a project review meeting on Monday and I have been of completely no use this week. May be later, I will go to Bus stand which is BTW 15 km away from my place to pick paplu up who will be dropping his GF over there. So I guess this is pretty much.

Anyways guys, I hope you will have a day of your life time out there. My sincere wishes to all the engineering students and a Plead to all the girls of world. Please be generous for one day.

Tags and Template

As you must have observed I have changed the template. The last went haywire. It used to show different fonts in different browsers and the colour of the post title kept changing automatically. Apart from this – the black hue was making me sick. So changing the template was on the cards for a long time now but somehow all the drinking, gambling and sex kept it waiting (yeah, I like to exaggerate and to live in a dream world). Finally it is done and your comments are awaited, which will be put to effect no sooner than 3 months.

While I was changing the template, I decided to change the tags too. I had a brainstorming session with some of the most advanced minds of our time and came up with some of these catchy phrases. The idea was that if you are bored to death or you are generally killing time, waiting for the clock to ring 7, so that you can pack your bag leave office, it will help you navigate through the blog in a much more comfortable way.

So anyways these are the labels that we came up with:

• Bhankas : This will be the chestnut of those posts where I go on writing without any logic or sense. Parental advisory is strongly recommended for these posts as they can cause hazardous, irreparable damage to your grey cells.

• Aaila: Anything related to Sachin or remotely related to cricket, ashish nehra and nayan mongia will be categorized under it. We have also decided to put Pakistan Cricket board, though it was a strong contender for ‘Bhankas’ too.

• Chal-Chitra: Yeah, you got it. Everything ranging from Nisha Kothari to Tushar Kapoor, to Altaf Raja to Himesh Reshamiya will be dumped under this tag.

• Emotional Atyachar : This is my favorite part where I portray the role of an emotionally sensible, stable guy and narrate stories of my mis-adventures in life and ‘how life has betrayed me’. In short, this will be a storehouse of posts that give you the false notion that your life is far better then mine.

• Gagged : Tagged

• Gyan Vigyaan : All the posts where I enlighten the world with my vast repertoire of knowledge on “Everything under and above the sun”.

Disclaimer: These fundaes are given by experts: Viewers are advised to follow at their own discretion.

• Machau : One of my friends told me that ‘Michi is Machau’ and this tag symbolizes him. We also decided to respect the Life-Long contribution of Paplu to the world and any post related to either of them will fall under this section.

• Meri bhains ko anda kyun mara: I get frustrated easily and I love ranting about it. I love it even more to write about it. So if you think you are in a happy mood and it had been a long time since you felt bad about the world - try this category.

• Office Humour : A recent attempt to capture the on going inter and intra departmental professional synergy to revolutionize plug-and-play value of the product and to optimize peer-to-peer networking that drives visionary initiatives and such shit like these will be carrying this tag. [ Courtesy : http://www.bullshit-generator.com]

• Purani jeans and Guitar : Everything about the ‘ Good ol’ Days’

• अभियांत्रिकी: About the days when life used to be much simpler and all you had to worry about was the mess food and the morning lecture. The time when we used to feel young and ready to fall in love. The years which passed by without seeing the clock or the calendar. Yes I am talking about my IIT engineering days.

I guess this is it. If you feels something is left and you are a part of the elite advanced insane mind of the world, feel free to drop your ideas and suggestion.

LOL

For the past few weeks life has been so damn busy that only thing for which I try to sneak free time is reading articles on Sachin. It has been my only entertainment source and specially completing 20th year and all the media limelight and tones of articles is taking up all the time. Personally, the record of 2 decade doesn’t excite me because I have been cheering all through his career and I don’t need a day when I should stop and look back at all the great moments. The time to retrospect is still not here and I don’t want to feel that way now for sure.

The only thing that forced me to write today is a comment from Imran Khan. In his own words- “If there is one area in which Sachin is ahead of his contemporaries, it is focus. Inzamam-ul Haqwas possibly even more gifted, but Sachin was more successful due to his commitment and focus”

Dude… are you serious ? Only ‘focus’ ? ? That’s all he has ? ? Or it is the only English word you know?

And who is this Inzy??

The same guy who is famous for getting himself out in the most bizarre fashion possible. I guess I remember him falling on to his own wicket after an attempted sweep shot. Yeah, now I remember. He is that same fellow who starts every prize presentation ceremony with "Bismillah(In the name of Allah)” followed by a rape session of the English language along with “ladke acha khele” & “allah ka shukra hai”

I so badly want to rape this moron named Imran khan, always living in a self created illusion that Inzy is the best and that he was the one to identify him. I agree he is good, probably best in the last decade of Pakistani cricket. But for being great- you need much more than focus. You should be able to balance yourself atleast, that is for sure. If you don’t want to join the party, sit back and watch a hugh grant movie. Dont start blabbering around.Rameez is perfectly doing this job on your behalf. I am sure, it must be a dream job for him. Saying anything and getting paid.

There is so much more to write but deadlines, CFA & CAT…..whoof!!

I should get back to work.

Society, World peace and The Absolute Truth

It has been a great weekend with a hell lot of good movies back to back. Started by the awesomest, must watch ‘District 9’, followed by ok types ‘Ugly truth’, a decent but clichéd ‘The proposal’, a good hindi comedy after a long time ‘All the Best’ and repeat watch of the greatest script ever written ‘The man from earth’. But the one which was the topic of the weekend was Woody Allen’s ‘Whatever works’.

It was my first woody Allen movie and I am really cursing myself to miss all his work for such a long time. It’s going to be Woody Allen movie weekend in not so distant future. The thing which attracted me most was the way he describes the Society. he has this unique approach towards the norms of society which are imposed on us and we follow them like a pet animal without arguing about it. Whosoever do, we tag them as crazy and put them on bloody pills.

Me and my friend Mudit started discussion around 12 in the night continued till 4:30 in the morning. The discussion started with the theory that all the wars/uprising/revolution has occurred to attain equality. Two groups in society, one group harassing other and latter one revolting. Same old story. But the great thing is we are still nothing close to attain that. The imbalance is the inherit property of the nature and we should accept it.

The other thing was, there has been terrorism in all the centuries in one form or the other. Today it is terrorism, before that it was fascism, colonialism, crusade etc. The thing is whatever we do, this will not end. This is inherent nature of our species. If we curb terrorism, then something else will crop up. So don’t expect ‘World Peace’. Just pass your lifetime and enjoy the life while you can.

Now coming back to society. I believe society is the greatest conspiracy of the world. I read one article in which it was mentioned that etiquettes was imposed by the ‘higher class’ people to distinguish from the society. It started at that time and by now we all accept that fact that it is civilized to eat using fork. Just be logical for a sec and think, how can you judge a people with the thing whether he eats by fork or hand. It is goddamn food meant to be eaten.

The roots of this conspiracy are so deep that we don’t even feel rational to question them. Let me give you one more example.My friend was playing a guitar and suddenly he stopped playing and told me it was a wrong note. I thought on this issue and realized that how it would have occurred. Sometime back in 1200 AD, 10 people met. 1 played some music which he likes. The rest 9 of them disliked it. They tagged it as wrong note and it continued century to century because some bunch of morons who were in majority decided so. How the fuck can you judge the music. It’s all based on perspective. I believe all the rules, regulation and notions are the opinion of the people who were in majority at certain time when these were originated. But decision of majority doesn’t make the opinion of minority wrong. One thing which always amazes me is that we create so much hype on human murder but none of them says anything against murder of chicken. Who are we to decide that human life is more valuable than the chicken’s life.

Then we came on the final part of our discussion. THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

In our life everything is relative. Let it be happiness, pain, hunger, thirst. I mean everything ranging from your feel to wealth, love to education, success to failure. Nothing is absolute. Now if you notice there is only thing which is absolute that “NOTHING IS ABSOLUTE”. Is this the truth what we search throughout our life.

We felt so enlightened that night.

IITians

A great great article

Random facts

These are some of the facts i came across on Google search:

You have less of a chance being killed by a falling piano then you do of being adopted by Angelina Jolie....statically speaking ( Courtesy: Abstruse goose).

Did she has any Indian kid???

Aiken et al. (2002) reported that for every patient added to a nurse’s workload, the patient’s risk of dying within 30 days of admission increased 7% (link)

Now take a sec and Imagine Indian Government hospitals and calculate your survival probability

What i was doing on abstruse goose: well, i was just working in office.

And what about Medical Journal: That was some serious fun.

How to get a perfect child in 10 Simple steps

Train journeys have given me so much and especially when they are of 36 hours (Kota – Chennai), the deliverables increases in the same proportion. These long journeys have given me fever, food poisoning and tones of sweat but all that negligible in front of the numerous friends I made and memorable moments I savored.

Once during my second year, I was going back home and we have 2 confirm tickets and 4 people traveling. So it was like 3 people were sharing the side lower seat while 1 person sleeps on the side upper and it goes in order.

Now in our same compartment we have an old dude (quite lean, but awesome hair style and glittering eyes or simply you can imagine the description of Dumbledore). There was this young guy (read ‘chutiya’) who was assisting him. Now this old dude was the head of some youth development orientation program. Or I guess it was just one more shit association which people opens up to satisfy their desire to put fundaes and get funds, after retirement.

Anyways it was quite normal. Old dude manages to pull quite a lot people and the same old crap of westernisation of society, demoralized and uninspired youth were going on. But the good thing was, we the IITians were already enlightened and none of us decided to be a part of this

Later, my turn to sleep came and I acquired the prized birth and started snoring soon enough. After like 2-3 hours, I woke up just to find that the old dude has grasped all the IITians into his claws. And for that he has used the most intelligent tool. The thing which attracts IITians the most – 'SEX'.

I tried to put my ear into the conversation. Our old dude seems to be an expert in this topic. He has explored it all and now he has researched and came out with a perfect timing for sex. According to him for the perfect child the fertilization should be done between 1:30 AM– 1:45 AM.And he has theory of positioning of moon and wind to justify it also.

Now if you think about it sincerely, any idea how you are going to do it?

I prepared a detailed algorithm to give birth to perfect child and here it is:

S-1: Don’t shag or have sex or have sex for 7 days. Save the best swimmers for the main event.

S2: Decide an appropriate night after discussing with your partner.

S3: On the D-day prepare yourself for the D-night. Talk to yourself, get mentally prepared. Have some food with lots of calories.

S4: sleep early. Put an alarm of about 1 AM. Wake up and brush your teeth and have a bath. C’mon man , you are going to be father. You will be the role model for him/her.

S5: Start the foreplay at sharp 1:15.

S6: Move to lower base at 1:27

S7: Start the intercourse at 1:32

S8: Climax at 1:40

S9: Start praying.

S10: if it ain't work go to S1 and practice harder.

Now I know why we say 'practice makes a man perfect'. Its the practice of parents that made the child( going to be man/woman in future) perfect. [:P]

In the end, getting a perfect child is not so difficult. Isn’t it??