Fuck 'Rules'

We all are afraid of change. We all resist it. Reason is not that we fear the unknown, but we are afraid that the rules we have created around ourselves, by ourselves, will be broken. We all entangle ourselves by the rules, rules about making friend, rules about eating hours, rules about brands, rules about every god damn thing we do. But the real question is – do we need these rules?

Rules bring order in our chaosed life. Rules are good. They keep you on track. They keep you focused, increase your efficiency. Rules give you an illusion of ordered life. Rules makes you feel that everything is going according to a plan. And we all love things when they work according to the plan. Rules limit our view. They limit our idea of good things. There is this friend of mine. She told me that she has a rule of her life, she does not let anyone touch her hair. And the best moment in her relationship was when her boyfriend tied her hair. Now do you really believe that of all the smiles, tears and quite moments they shared, is Hair-tying-moment deserved to be the best? But then why this is special? It’s special because a rule was broken that time and it made that moment treasured.

Rules make our life so narrow. Rules are good but they stop you from changing. You shut yourself in your world of rules and you keep resisting change. Change is good. Change is inevitable. Change is nature’s way of tell you that that nothing lasts forever. So why do we have all these rules then?? In the end, the rules that we define, ends up defining ourselves.

I quote Tyler Durden – “I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve. Let the chips fall where they may.”

IIT Chapter - The Closure

I went to IIT today for some work at the bank. It’s not been long since my last trip but this time I felt a lot different. While I was driving back from the bank, I realized that there are no more people I can go to meet unannounced. There are no more faces that always bring smiles to my face. There are no reasons for me to come back here except for the fucking bank loan. All my friends have cleared IIT. I have never been fond of the institute but today was the first time I missed IIT. First time in the last 5 years.

I do have some familiar faces – Ashu, Harshi, The chosen pun, Shamshan and few really great juniors but I don’t think I will ever enjoy that much being in institute again. Since life@insti is so different without the group. I look back at my five years and I realize how fast life goes. How we all change, we all grow up. I remember Sajal as the guy from a small village Itarsi, who now he is doing his masters from UK. I remember Paplu as the guy from the suburbs of Mumbai , he scored 99.2 percentile in Cat 2009. I remember Ravi as the guy who was looking for Hindi speaking guys in the hostel, he is roaming around the world on company’s funds. I remember Anshul as the ratto-fying guy who was always fucked by life. Well I guess he is still the same. And about me, I am learning.

These were the bunch of people who made me realized that life is not as complex as we think. It’s just about doing whatever you want to under the constraints of circumstances and responsibilities. They told me that nothing lasts forever so they taught me a principle to live it up, drink it down and laugh it out. And I followed whatever they say because whenever I fell, they were there to pick me up

Today I feel like the IIT chapter has come to end. A chapter full of so many emotions. A chapter in which life took a giant leap.

I dont like the cupboard

The most amazing thing being in relationship or feeling loved is that you can be a kid all over again. This world doesn’t allow you to be one but that special ones can connect with it. So when it comes to finishing the thing, the most difficult part is to suppress the feeling of being kid.

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I entered slowly. I saw him playing with his bat. He was looking so happy. I called him from behind. He turns back, looks back at me and start running around the house calling – “Catch me if you want to”

I run behind him around the table, in the kitchen and finally I got hold of him in bathroom. He was enjoying all the attention. I asked him to sit because I want to talk to him.

He asked me cheerfully –“ Wassup man! Why so serious?” and started laughing.

The smile on her face was making the things even more difficult. I asked him in return “How are you enjoying your life?

He told me –“Its good man, it’s awesome. But you know what - I don’t like that cupboard” I can feel the fear in his voice when he told me the last sentence. It was not his fault. He was locked inside that dark cupboard for more than 2 years now and it was the first time he was out again since then.

He added that he liked her company a lot. Its fun when she is around to take care of him.
I told myself that, how tough it is but this is needed to be done. I told him –“Dude, you need to understand. She doesn’t like you the way you like her...

He was shocked. The entire smile on his face was gone. He said nothing.

I tried to convince him “I have so many other friends no. You can enjoy with them”

He asked me in return – “Do they even know that I exist? And even if they are aware, they don’t know how to open the cupboard”

I asked him to be a little rational. He shouted loudly –“I am just a fucking 4 year old child. How can you expect me to be rational?”

He started crying. He was saying something which was tough to understand. But finally I figured out. He was murmuring –“I don’t want to go into the cupboard again. It’s so dark in there. I don’t like the cupboard. I feel so lonely inside.

I didn’t know what to say. But I knew this was needed to be done. It was for his own benefit. I opened the cupboard. I asked him to go inside.

As I told him this, he tried to escape and run. I grasped him tightly. He tried his best to escape. But he was incapable infront of a 22 year rational man. I pushed him inside.

While he was resisting, he got hit on his head. It started bleeding. I was so scared. I thought to let him go free but then I realized it was for his best interest to be locked in cupboard.

In 2 mins, he stopped trying. He was sitting there inside the cupboard. I can see the horror in his eyes. He was saying only one thing –“I don’t like the cupboard. Please don’t leave me here.”

With the heaviest heart, I closed the door. Locked the gate and start moving to tell her the new joke which I got in SMS. You know what the rational people do.

Then I heard the sweetest voice from the cupboard. “Tell her that she was the best among them all”

I thought maybe he is not a kid anymore.

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Maybe I killed him forever this time.

“ I don’t like the cupboard”

( Dedicated to a friend with whom I explored the horizons of gayness. A friend without whom life will be a lot less fun and a lot less cheerful. Friend who was more than a friend and he leaves tomorrow. Yus, that bugger ditched me for a girl. And he returns home leaving me for her. Oh! I so want to kill him now. )

On Love and Relationship - 3

It’s been quite an on and off time for me in relation to my blog. I am stuck with a lot of things in life and nothing seems to be working out. So, I was trying hard to figure them out but, as usual, at the end of the day, you leave the things the way they are and you try to divert your attention. So here I am back to my old love.

Following the original series, I am back with the third edition.

We always believe that Love is true. Love is pure. Destiny. Soul mates. Etc etc.

I say it’s all crap. It’s a game and a purely biased game. Biased in terms that it is always controlled by one person. And, my dear friend, let me tell you - it’s not you, it’s her. You don’t believe me. Okay. Let me give you some examples.

You have been doing a lot of things very silently for her. You never receive thanks and you are always taken for granted for your efforts. So one day you decide that’s its high time and you need to make her realize that you don’t do all these things for general people. She needs to know that it’s because she is special therefore you are doing all these things. You prepare a long dialogue sequence. You rehearse it again and again in your mind. You even dream that once you have told this to her, she will come running towards you, tear away your clothes and you will have a wild sex on the floor. But the reality is a little different.

One day, you get hold of her. You start behaving differently as per plan and when she asks what’s bothering you, you let it all out. You speak for fucking 10 minutess, very passionately. You have excelled what you have imagined. If this was a movie scene, then the Oscar was waiting for you my friend. But the result?

She says one line – “I was having very high fever and you are behaving like this with me”.

Now what? This is a super bomb. You cannot argue on this. You cannot defend yourself. So, finally after 3 mins, you end up saying sorry to her, repeatedly.

If you are still not convinced, let me give you this other example.

You have been dating a girl for long. You spend a lot of time together. You talk like you are in a relationship with her. But she never accepts it. Now this is really frustrating. You have been trying to clear this thing for a long time. And one day, somehow you get this amazing strength and you confront her. You keep telling her that it’s the time when she needs to decide and put a tag on the thing which is going on between the two of you. While speaking you really feel amazed by your confidence and feel great that finally you were able to do this. But, but, but…

“You are also talking like this. Everybody talks so rudely to me. Even my canteen wale uncle was also rude to me” , she replies.

You say to yourself –“Canteen wale uncle! What does he have to do with this? “

But this time you are committed not to make the mistakes you made last time. You keep on defending so that she is unable to escape each time like this. She does not reply anything. You feel like winning. And this is when the Nuclear Bomb was waiting for you.

She starts crying.

Result – You end up saying sorry and promising that this topic will never be re surfaced. Not only you have been defeated this time, but you have been lawyered for eternity.

So My dear Male Friends, What you believe, What you think – It does not matter. She is a god and you can’t defeat her. The sooner you accept the fact, the better.

[Based on a series of discussions with Paplu and Flick.]