The awkward silence

(Please Note: If you do not have a sense of political incorrectness or silliness, or lack the potential to poke fun at gender bias or are completely incapable of understanding satire, this blog is not for you!)

Do you have a girl who says you are her friend? If ‘yes’ please proceed ahead.

Do you know what level of a friend you are to her? If ‘No’ please proceed ahead. If ‘Yes’ I am suing you for using my copyright theory.

Anyway, if you are here then let me tell you - There are three stages to any friendship with any girl.

Level I – when she calls you on her own.

Level II – When she shares every detail of the day with you.

Level III – This one is tricky. There is a very thin line between Level II and III. The answer is – when she confesses to you that she is down.

But trust me, it’s a really very awkward situation when she does that. Let me explain how.

So one of my friend, let’s say Paplu was a very good friend of let’s say Paplee. It was a warm summer day. The sun was at its peak. It will not be an exaggeration to say that it might have been the hottest day of the decade.

Paplee calls Paplu – Lets meet. Now Paplu was already at level II. They decide to meet at the cafeteria. Paplu was there at sharp 11.00; Paplee arrived at 11.32. She was looking tired and drained.

Paplu: Hey wassup. Late today? What happened?

Paplee: So if I am late one day, you will ask questions. What are you, my boyfriend now ?

Paplu: No!! No I was just asking – Are you ok?

Paplee: No, I am not feeling good.

Paplu: Yeah it’s the heat. You must be dehydarated. Right?

Paplee: Noooo…

Paplu: Head-ache?

Paplee: No, I am down.

(Paplu, of course, didn’t realize that ‘Down’ was ‘Down’. He thought…)

Paplu: Oh, so you are down with fever. It must be sun-stroke.

Paplee: No… I am DOWN.

(NOW Paplu got it)

Paplu: Oh.

(Awkward silence… more awkward silence… some more silence which is obviously awkward… this is not it, there are some more long scary moments of awkward silence)

Finally…

Paplu: So coffee?

Paplee: NO…

(Awkward silence)

Paplu: Iced tea then?

Paplee: I told you no…

(More silence, definitely awkward)

Paplu: Hmmm… So lunch?

Paplee: Damn it. You are an idiot!

Paplee gets up and walks away….

Now you see why Paplu never got to Level III. I have never been to Level II. I don’t know anyone who has handled this Level III situation perfectly. I am sure there should be a way but what, how. I don’t know.

Still my question is: Why girls do this? I mean we never share if we have a night fall. We never share if we get fungal infection down there. I am not saying you are wrong. I just want to say – we are not the right person. We are not made to handle this that’s why we don’t get it. I mean either teach us the protocol to handle it or expect us to fail.

Well, I am still looking for answers. Let’s see if I ever get one…

Anna & India's August Kranti - But for how long?

On the risk of being called unpatriotic, disloyal, traitor, coward, terrorist, cynical and worse even congress supporter, I am putting it down. I don’t believe anything significant will come out of this protest. I am simply putting the points which I have pondering around for a long time, trying to get a powerful counter argument but didn’t find any. But I would be more than happy if anyone can convince me wrong. So here are some of my reasons for being skeptical or nearly sure about the final result of this protest which is going to be nothing:

1. The movement is supported by all the sections of the society, predominantly Middle class. Now for how long do you think that a working middle class is going to miss their work and keep protesting? I am not sure if I give it more than a week. The problem is the issue at hand; corruption does not risk the jobs of people. If that would have been the case, then I am sure the protest would have gone for long. Corruption, yes it hurts but it is not taking away our jobs and Job is going to suck back the people in their regular life.

2. The other significant factor is the absence of student bodies as universities and schools are still open. Such movements like 1975(JP Movement), 1990(Movement against VP Singh) had a great impact due to involvement of universities. I believe the success of this movement depends largely on that.

3. Whatever happens, I am not sure that it’s going to hurt Congress in long run. Memories of Indian People are of very short duration and it has been proved again and again with issues like MP bribe scandal, Indian Cricket team victories and defeat, reservation bill. Issues definitely stir up the scenes for a while but once it settles down, we Indians don’t ponder much about them much.

4. Team Anna is definitely doing a great job but the problem is their version of Lokpal Bill is way too tight for the other political parties to accept. It’s also safer to say that Corruption is an issue on which no political parties will lend their support to the motion. So it’s going to be a movement of people v/s political powers across all level. And absence of any support from political parties and students further strengthens my doubt over the success of this protest.

5. Last but not the least; I am not sure how many people are actually aware of the difference between Jan Lokpal and Lokpal bill, for which they are protesting.

I would love to be wrong on these issues so please prove me wrong

The Realisation-Struck Zindagi

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara or ZNMD as it will be referred to going forward, is an amazing film. It’s a film which made me understand so much about my life. There were so many things which I could relate myself to and all those scenes on screens made me look at them in a fresh perspective. Like, for instance, in the scene when Hrithik Roshan finishes scuba diving and comes out of the water, he starts crying. My first reaction was maybe it’s some fish which bit him like the way it bit me when I was snorkeling in Andaman, a couple of years ago, and I came out crying just like him. But I was wrong. In his case, it was the self realization-Kung-Fu-Panda-Inner-Peace kind of thing. It started me thinking that maybe I too had cried not because of any fish bite but because I too realized that earning millions of dollar, having a villa in Manhattan before turning 35 is a waste. Instead scuba diving in Spain – well that’s what is called Life!!

The movie also reminded me of another incident when I jumped from an eight-feet high wall with a cape tied across my back, in the hope of becoming a superman and started crying as soon as I hit the ground. Now I know it had nothing to do with the twisted ankle, just as in the case of Farhan Akhtar it had nothing to do with nausea or high blood pressure or anxiety caused due to a jump from a higher altitude. Fortunately, in my case, I was aware that my father and I sharethe same genetic traits, thanks to a school project, so I figure that that particular bout of crying was related to my realization that I am no Superman. It was the hard truth and I was not ready to face it.

But the part which wasclosest to my life was the bull running event. It reminded me of the time when the nasty-barking-rabies-infected-stray dog of my lane ran after me for a mile. Unlike the bull running, where only a few bulls are running behind thousands of people, that was a one-on-one encounter. That was the day I realized I should remain indoors after 10 PM and I must say that it was one hell of a “realization”.

ZNMD is a great movie as it has been inspiring so many people to think afresh and helping them in realizing so many things just like in my case. Now you can “realize” why ZNMD is so close to my heart. But this movie, like every good thing, has its own side effects as well. Last weekend I went to a water park. As you might be aware “urban” people in India think the straight slide to be a dangerous adventure. I decided to do that inspired by ZNMD. As soon as I came out of the water after completing the slide, I had tears my eyes. It was due to some stupid faulty edge of the slide, which scratched my elbow, and trust me, it was a pretty nasty blow. But my friends and people just left me alone thinking that it’s an intensely private moment for me as I must have realized something. Well what can I say; I guess the movie was pretty impactful.

Now wherever I go, I see people who have just crossed the road, people who have just got down from a Mumbai Metro train, people who have just been able to get a job – staring into the heaven. Looking for something to “realize”. Hoping for something to “realize”. The truth is ZNMD is a farce in which the characters are wealthy enough to not care about the banalities of real life and real relationships and in the end realize that their life is more important than the money which they have already earned. But the truth is, we, the middle class people have to do certain jobs and take care of relationships. No matter what we may have realized, Money is going to be the central axis around which life will always be revolving.

Relationships are funny

Relationships are funny. Aren’t they?

One day you are being told that lets be together and the very next day you are being told about not remembering anything due to the blackout after drinking last night

One day you are being blamed for being a changed person since the start of relationship and the very next day for not changing as per the expectations

One day you are being asked to keep your mouth shut and the very next day you are being questioned about your silence

One day you are being asked if you are sure and next day the partner himself/herself is not sure

One day it’s your messy hair which is repulsive and the very next day it’s your green T-shirt

One day it’s all about you better than ex and the very next day you are being worse than the ex himself

One day it’s all about doing things together and the very next day it’s about personal space

Indeed, they are funny enough. But they are important. Right?

Disclaimer attached.

Facebook Oscars

This post is dedicated to recognize the efforts of the people who have dedicated their life to the cause of Facebook. They keep enriching our life through status, links, pictures etc. To recognize them under one group will be a disgrace to the genre they have created so I am going to categorize them and share a few words about them.

Share the gain: This is a group of people who believe in the power of sharing knowledge. They will keep posting links days after day, hour after and sometimes minutes after minutes. The link will specifically be related to the every minute little new thing they have learned today. Whether it’s about Dandi March or about making perfectly boiled eggs. These people will share everything. For the sake of incrementing our knowledge, off course!

Share the pain: People belonging to this category have dedicated their life in showing the other side of the perfectly normal life to us. A life filled with so much pain, a life full of regrets, memories of lost love, loneliness, grief, pain and what not. These posts have the power to make us feel the pain which we wouldn’t have in normal life but they also have been instrumental in taking the research forward in the field of heart pain. I wish I could do something to block their pain ….err….block the pain in their life.

A picture is worth a thousand words: These folks are the most socialized among all the groups. Not only they share their life but they also allow us to peek in their personal life through pics. Due to these photos, we can live a life which wouldn’t have experience. A life where you can see the happiness of a person when he is able to cook maggy for the fiftieth time in his life or smoke a hookah, eat at a decent restaurant. And don’t forget the thousand two hundred odd pics of the garden in the building compound.

Majored in Drama, modified with Psychology: If you have missed Osacr Wilde like greats then don’t worry, we have a whole new breed of Junior woodchucks. Intelligent quotes equipping you with the knowledge to deal with all the possible situations of life ranging from running the government or catching the Obama. They have a solution for everything for everyone.

On-the-Grid: These are the most responsible folks on the facebook. Who would have thought the usage of FB like the way they have done. In today’s world of Osama and Obama, where no one is safe – It’s a responsibility of an individual to let her well wishers known with the personal safety (or existence?). They dutifully keep you updated with the change of 3 days old socks pair or when their flight is delayed by 15 min (from Blackberry, off course)

The Curious Case: These are the most naïve species on the planet. For them facebook is like a key to the world. They want to see who have visited their profile or how they will look in the old age and most amazingly how can a woman squirt on the roller coaster ride. They are very curious and they will click on everything. Literally everything. ( I wish they can click once on a pistol facing them)

Likers: They are the reasons for all the things happening on Facebook. They are the driving force behind the 50 Billion valuation of facebook. People with a disease called likamia and commentia. They will appreciate your changed socks pair, comment on your garden pics and click on each and every link you have shared. These are the foundations of the Facebook community. I salute them.

What would you wish you'd done before you died?

Someday, sometime or anytime have you thought about the answer to the question which Tyler Durden ask so prominently to the Fight Club team: “Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?”

I have been thinking of it for years and now I know the answer.

I WANT TO BE AN AUTO DRIVER!!

- No I am not kidding.

- Yes, I joke around sometime but seriously I want to do this

- What WTF? Everyone is free to choose what he wants to do before he dies. Right?

Have you ever considered the fact that we are animals but the tamed ones. We have been breed to work, to be responsible, sensible, ethical and most importantly respectful and courteous. These thoughts are constantly fed to our mind through stories, movies where good guy gets the woman. We are told education brings humility. It’s not humility but a lack of capacity to humiliate.

What if I like to misbehave with someone, say – “Just for Fun”. Not misbehave, definitely not. It’s not the right word. It’s a milded version of what I want to do बदतमीज़ी. Yes thats exactly what I want do with with people. Just the way an autowallah do.

Have you ever watched a life of an autowallah. So free, so liberal. He can do whatever he want, say whatever he want, and charge what he wants. No one can guide him, force him. He is the most liberal of the souls among us. I want to live my life like that.

Here are some of the things which he can do with people and we can’t even dream of it doing with someone, not even with the ones we hate.

Scene1:

Guy: Chaloge?

Autowallah: Nahin, I will sit in auto and drive. Aapko chalna(walk) hai to chal0(walk).

Scene 2:

Guy: ABC Chalne ka kitna loge?

Autowallah: Aapke paas kitna hai?

Scene 3:

Autowallah: Bahia sahib, kidhar jaoge?

Guy: XYZ

Autowallah: Hmmm….toh jao phir.

See this is what I am talking around. Roaming around, doing बदतमीज़ी with random people and feeling proud for this.

What a life they have!! And we try to take it away from them with meters and regulations. Hell to all of you.

Sachin - The God himself

Everyone has just one question on their mind - How he do, what he do? But I don’t want to ask him anything.I have no question for him. Rather I want to ask you and me and everyone else these questions?

How many of us have worked for years without feeling to give up? How many of us have gone even for flat 22 days to work with the same enthusiasm? How on earth can someone work day after day, week after week, year after year for 22 years with the same commitment and focus? How many of us has cherished and lived a dream for 28 years and kept fighting for it? How many of us have felt disappointed not just by ourselves but by the efforts of people around us? How many of us have tried to be with the people who were not there with us at the time when they were required most, with the people who booed us then? How many of us has managed to kept ourselves far away from any controversy, any fight? How many of us have to think every single day to fight against 15 players, 2 coaches and other staff? How many of us have to outthink people every day? How many are successful in the business where success rate has been close to 0%? How many of us have managed to be on top for 22 years?

But the most important thing is how many of us have managed to kept the fire alive like he did? How many of us woke up everyday with same enthusiasm towards our lives, our dreams, our goals?

I don’t think I can ever understand what It is like to be him. What it takes to be there? May be I don’t want to know because I am sure that the answer will be something which is way beyond my understanding, my capabilities. I just want to savour the moments which are left not thinking about how its going to be after that.

The world is ending in 2012 anyways!

It rained that night

Its been over 7 months since we talked the way we used to. Its all only the casual talk

how?

Fine!

You?

Ok!

It seemed more of a formal conversation. No-one was even trying to get the things better. Its just that we were comfortable that way. For the outside world we were still the ideal ‘Husband-wife’. We’ve always been. But I fear they have also started seeing through the farce we were pretending.

It was a rainy night. It rained like never before. Seemed it was determined enough to take the complete city with it. I was running around, closing all the panes and doors and there I saw her. She was standing in the rain, steady. It looked like even the wind would not dare to move her. I came near to her. She was dripping wet. It reminded me of the first time when I saw her walking down the road. The only difference was the smile, the smile which gleamed her eyes, that took my breath away, was missing. Instead, i saw the shine of tears in her eyes, after a long long time i saw that. Tears. Couple of them were able to make their way significantly to get noticed.

On any other day I would have reached her and held her straight away, but at that time I thought for long time before going near to her and keep my hand on her shoulder. She turned towards me. I could see the dam of sorrows which was tied beneath the indifferent behaviour was broken. She looked at me and whispered slowly : “I wanted to name him Yash.”

Yash. The baby which never took his first breath. We cried that night, together for the first time in 7 month and we cried like never before. The rain tried hard to hide the tears but at the end it gave up...