Friday, October 22, 2010

Dating Guide 2 : The Bitter Better first dates

So Guys, It’s the D day. Date-Day.

You dress up in one of the very few finest pair of clothes you have. But before wearing them you make your way to the nearest neighbour with an excuse to use his Deo, just to let him know that you are going on a date. Finest and funkiest pair of sneakers are chosen and stolen from outside the room of a Freshie. And you are up and ready to go.

You reach at the pre-decided place at the exact time only to wait for a good thirty minutes before the lady arrives with an excuse of either traffic or of dropping some friend off in the way. You enter the restaurant and use all the tips and tricks you have gathered through Bond movies and TV series to look awesome.

The real fun starts when you take a table and the conversation begins. It always begins with what you do in life besides studies. (Who cares for what you study anyway!) So if the answer has keywords like ‘SRK movies’, ‘Chetan Bhagat,’jogging’, ‘world peace’, ‘A Walk to Remember’ or ‘mom-dad’ – it’s time to get cautious. This is your first red signal. And it's also an indicator that all your years of wiki knowledge, tons of hours spent on classic cinema, statistics of cricket and histories of metal bands, memorized back and forth, are being dumped into a dustbin. That too, a dustbin with a shredder. Neither acquired knowledge nor previous information has any scope, in the future, with this girl.

But still the situation is under control. All this initial damage has created, is, a few moments of awkward silence and nothing all. Now you change the course of discussion to life in college. Keywords to be warned of here – sleep, boring, mom-dad.

But still there is a chance to salvage this date. You start with your life and how you got caught ‘smoked up’ in an exam and saved yourself with sheer awesomeness. If the reply is, “Really???”, then you are saved. But if the reply is, “I hate smoking”, then you are…




By the time food arrives you are sure that all the over-expensive French and Italian food items you ordered, whose name you memorized last night, are complete waste. Now all that is left is to save a few bucks. But the motherfucker Waiter always wait for this opportunity, when he sees two people on a date, to recite all the things in the menu – soup, starters, deserts , mock tail, cocktail , etc. That is when you pray in your heart that the Girl does not fall into the trap and order something.

But other than this the major issue is to pass the time between soup and main course and desert. You try to message some random guy, read some forwards to lighten up the mood, talk about the weather, future plans, blah blah blah…

The only savior in these conditions is 'good waxed legs'. They can be of anyone's. Either the girl you are with or the girl sitting right across to you or even the girl passing by the road visible from the window. Those are the only things which will be your whole and sole entertainment. But if you have lived in the great city of Chennai – you are




Now it’s time for goodbye. You are happy. She is happy. You promise each other to catch up soon only to turn around and swear never to see each other. And that brings an end to this great date Saga.

Only to get started all over again in a couple of weeks because We all love to date. Don’t we???

Monday, October 11, 2010

Dating Guide : The Bitter Better first dates

Boring dates. Yes, we all have been victims on that front at least once in our lives. There can be infinite reasons behind why a date turned out to be boring... like a disastrous laugh or a horrendous voice or an acute lack of ability to understand Kalmadi jokes. But let’s stick to the statement – "It just didn't click". It's really interesting (am I being a sadist?) to see expectations getting shattered, dreams getting crushed. And yet, what the hell. We all love to date.

But let us focus first on the buildup that it takes until the bomb drops. First you manage to get yourself fixed for a date, and being a student of an engineering college -- that too an IIT, where the sex ratio has been rounded off to zero for a better approximation since the inception of these prestigious institutes -- is sufficient to make you feel like the king of the planet. You spend some nights imagining how the date will be. And how then it will turn into a long walk along the beach. And then how the CCD’s caffeine will play its role along with the stimulation of the forest reserve , which the IIT shows off, to get you an awesomely-ever-dreamed-make-out. Oh, at this point let me tell you – imagination is all we have. 'We', as in the engineers' army. As rightly said by a great scholar, "They can take our grades, they can take our LAN, they can close the gates at 11, but they can't take our imagination". So coming back to the point -- you imagine and you do all your stuff enjoying that imagination till reality hits you.

On the out-of-the-room front -- it’s time to brag. You go to the room of the nearest friend -- or to that of a friend like Anshul, if you have one, that is. But the trick is that you don’t blabber it out. You wait for the right moment, when the friend will ask you questions related to your life and you will proudly declare yourself as the date-winner, and will go through the entire process in a very casual manner, as if it’s regular stuff for you.

But no son-of-a-bitch friend will ask you anything.

Me: So what’s the plan for tomorrow? Doing anything?

Friend: Nah, regular stuff.

(Damn it, at least a courtesy of “What about you?” would have been appreciated!)

Me: I might not be attending the concrete class tomorrow.

Friend: Okay.

(That was a lame attempt. As if he cares.

Now this is the masterpiece – strike where it matters to him)

Me: Dude, can I take you bicycle? I have to go to the main gate.

Friend: Why do you need to go to the main gate?


So now, after all of them know about the date stuff, an all-son-of-the-bitches'-council meeting is called. The only purpose of this meeting is to prove that your over-exaggerated description of the girl is just a sham. For the starters – the FB/orkut profile is opened and searched. The scrutiny done then is far more intense then what any company does during placements. From 'about me' to 'statuses' to the 'likes' to the 'groups', and most importantly, the pics are put under heavy-duty scanner. Any small thing -- a like on a Kalmadi speech video or a Justing Beiber video on her profile -- and you are mocked all through the night to prove that you are a loser going on a date with this girl. But steel-minded as you are, you always believe these are just a bunch of jealous guys.

And then the day of the date comes. ( be continued)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bangalore happened

"From lungi to pants, from sweat to sweaters, from ACs to fans, from no meter to meter, from a desktop to a laptop, from 6th to 7th floor, from friends to friends, from orange to gray, from Beroe’zgaar to Capital’one’ist, from Chennai to Bangalore – the transaction is done. In the midst of these changes, I feel stability. I feel peace."

I wrote that in the beginning of August when I shifted to Bangalore -- but never got the required enthusiasm or zeal to complete it. Life in Bangalore is so much different from that in Chennai. Life in Capital One is so much different from the one in Beroe. Since I have now come to Bangalore, I am living my life in each moment. I am not thinking about anything beyond two months in both the directions of time. I am not dreaming anymore. I am not writing. I am just trapped in the four walls of a happy and content life, a life which I had dreamed of. Living with friends, working in such a company within a city like Bangalore. I was satisfied, all I wanted was to sit back and know that it was for real. But things and memory tear apart the walls, while you sit, sipping pina-colada. Somethings make you realize that life is much more than sleep, work and fart. It’s a little deeper. And I believe writing helps me explore those deeper meanings. So now I am back. I have promised myself at least one post a week or four posts per month. Whichever be possible.

I apologize to all my blog friends for being absent from the scene for such a long time. I hope you will forgive me, considering you generous enough to even leave comments on my blog. J

Just to update you with another character who will be appearing frequently on future blog post -- this character is Jadoo. He is an IIT-mate and now a flat mate. He is working for a firm which is growing at a rate 1473%, and we believe the company is going to overpower all the Fortune 10 companies within ten years. Now, this has become possible ever since Jadoo has joined the place.

To tell you a Secret, Jadoo is no one else but the kaliyug avatar -- Kalki -- that we have listened about and heard and prayed for. He has the power of awesomeness and can make anyone awesome using his awesome rays, just like he did with the company. Since Jadoo has come, the tourism industry of Bangalore has increased by 120%. He was the one referred to by Kalmadi when he made his famous statement, “I am sure, the new heroes will be born here (India).” I am lucky to be living in the proximity of such a great great man. Let’s hail Jadoo!!