Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Sehra told me once that life is the best poker player. She never opens all its cards at once. Whenever you think you have caught it, it was a bluff. Just when you think you got it, it fools you again. Life always has a card up her sleeves. And it plays them beautifully. One by one. She tests you. She plays with you and just when you are about to give up, she lets you win a round so that you can keep playing. And I was just about to give up....

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Love at first sight

I never used to believe in love at first sight. I still don’t. But it simply happened when I saw her the first time. Her high forehead, the sharply defined chin, pale skin, long dark hair, high delicate eyebrows, strong nose, narrow mouth and full lips delimitated the logic and reasoning. The love that time was unburdened by the complexities of expectations or the plans for the future. It was a free spirited love tied to the smile on her face, controlled by her presence in the room and dominated by the words coming out of her lips. It’s impossible to separate lust from love. In that case lust was not defined by the desires of the body but by her gentle touch when we shook hands, touch of her body when she was at the backseat of my bike, smell of her hair while sitting beside each other. It was the time when the day was successful with a single glance of her, the joke was funny with a simple smile from her and every action was justified if it gets a nod by her. That feeling never leaves you. That feeling never comes back. That love never happens again.

Friday, December 9, 2011

100 things not to do in an email.

Just when you hear the news that Ashutosh aka Janwar is the first person to get places, Sajal has started his own firm, Anshul is talking rebelliously, Ravi is trying skating, Pattrow is talking about loyalty and Saurabh is getting best employee award – you realize that end of the world is close. Just when you are about to lose all the hopes about God’s creativity , life present you with a star born to eclipse every shining object. I met this guy on my trip to Beep (In accordance to Kabil Sibbal vigilance instructions), I met this guy named beep. Couple of months back he met a girl, got his id and wrote her a letter. This letter is very informative and should be a part of the Mail Writing 101 lectures titled– 100 things not to do in an email.

Attaching the letter for your reference and learning:

Hi Beep(name),

Greetings ! I am the crazy boy(LOL) who spoke to you yesterday night on Beep :-) Just thought of dropping in an email to say hi. I am sorry I couldn’t introduce myself properly in the short window of time (Really !!) which we had yesterday evening. I am Beep(name) currently working for beep(company) in beep(city). I have just now finished my BE in Mechanical Engineering from beep(college) and see myself working in beep(city again!) for at least 2-3 more years.

I am an army kid and my father is a doctor in the Indian army. So I have spent most of my childhood in various places including but not limited to J&K, Himachal Pradesh, Rajasthan, Delhi, Chandigarh, Mumbai, Pune, Goa, Hyderabad and like.( All these places just in childhood !)

What about you? You are a fashion design student, right?

It was really nice interacting with you yesterday!

Look forward to hearing from you.


Now you know 100 things which you should never do while writing a mail.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

If I would have got two more hours a day in my life

It pains. Quite a bit. And to be very frank, its really embarrassing lying in the middle of the road in your own blood, puke, intestines and what not.They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the moment before you die. I can make out some people’s faces. Some of whom I never thought will come to my mind again. Maybe it’s due to the head injury. Or maybe they are actually there… Asking me why I never had time for them…

I see my parents. My father whose calls I never picked up and my mother whose calls I hung up during the call… It was due to the lack of time after office. And sometimes, I was just out having fun with friends

I see my friend Rahul. There has been trouble going on his life and he tried to call me and talk to me. But I never could return back the calls since I was stuck in the traffic. The day I got the news of his suicide was the worst day of my life. I wish if I could have picked his call. I blame myself and I know there is nothing which can be done.

I see the face of my ex-girlfriend. She was just trying to spend some time with me. But with all the office and commuting, I was just not able to do it. I understand now that she was right in leaving me. I yearn for her every passing day.

I also see the cover of the books I picked but never finished. Titles of the movies, I wished I could have watched. I can also see my incomplete stamp collection.

I feel as if all these people and things are calling out my name and even today I am not in a position to reach them back. May be, If may be, I could perhaps have had two more hours a day in my life......

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The awkward silence

(Please Note: If you do not have a sense of political incorrectness or silliness, or lack the potential to poke fun at gender bias or are completely incapable of understanding satire, this blog is not for you!)

Do you have a girl who says you are her friend? If ‘yes’ please proceed ahead.

Do you know what level of a friend you are to her? If ‘No’ please proceed ahead. If ‘Yes’ I am suing you for using my copyright theory.

Anyway, if you are here then let me tell you - There are three stages to any friendship with any girl.

Level I – when she calls you on her own.

Level II – When she shares every detail of the day with you.

Level III – This one is tricky. There is a very thin line between Level II and III. The answer is – when she confesses to you that she is down.

But trust me, it’s a really very awkward situation when she does that. Let me explain how.

So one of my friend, let’s say Paplu was a very good friend of let’s say Paplee. It was a warm summer day. The sun was at its peak. It will not be an exaggeration to say that it might have been the hottest day of the decade.

Paplee calls Paplu – Lets meet. Now Paplu was already at level II. They decide to meet at the cafeteria. Paplu was there at sharp 11.00; Paplee arrived at 11.32. She was looking tired and drained.

Paplu: Hey wassup. Late today? What happened?

Paplee: So if I am late one day, you will ask questions. What are you, my boyfriend now ?

Paplu: No!! No I was just asking – Are you ok?

Paplee: No, I am not feeling good.

Paplu: Yeah it’s the heat. You must be dehydarated. Right?

Paplee: Noooo…

Paplu: Head-ache?

Paplee: No, I am down.

(Paplu, of course, didn’t realize that ‘Down’ was ‘Down’. He thought…)

Paplu: Oh, so you are down with fever. It must be sun-stroke.

Paplee: No… I am DOWN.

(NOW Paplu got it)

Paplu: Oh.

(Awkward silence… more awkward silence… some more silence which is obviously awkward… this is not it, there are some more long scary moments of awkward silence)


Paplu: So coffee?

Paplee: NO…

(Awkward silence)

Paplu: Iced tea then?

Paplee: I told you no…

(More silence, definitely awkward)

Paplu: Hmmm… So lunch?

Paplee: Damn it. You are an idiot!

Paplee gets up and walks away….

Now you see why Paplu never got to Level III. I have never been to Level II. I don’t know anyone who has handled this Level III situation perfectly. I am sure there should be a way but what, how. I don’t know.

Still my question is: Why girls do this? I mean we never share if we have a night fall. We never share if we get fungal infection down there. I am not saying you are wrong. I just want to say – we are not the right person. We are not made to handle this that’s why we don’t get it. I mean either teach us the protocol to handle it or expect us to fail.

Well, I am still looking for answers. Let’s see if I ever get one…

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Anna & India's August Kranti - But for how long?

On the risk of being called unpatriotic, disloyal, traitor, coward, terrorist, cynical and worse even congress supporter, I am putting it down. I don’t believe anything significant will come out of this protest. I am simply putting the points which I have pondering around for a long time, trying to get a powerful counter argument but didn’t find any. But I would be more than happy if anyone can convince me wrong. So here are some of my reasons for being skeptical or nearly sure about the final result of this protest which is going to be nothing:

1. The movement is supported by all the sections of the society, predominantly Middle class. Now for how long do you think that a working middle class is going to miss their work and keep protesting? I am not sure if I give it more than a week. The problem is the issue at hand; corruption does not risk the jobs of people. If that would have been the case, then I am sure the protest would have gone for long. Corruption, yes it hurts but it is not taking away our jobs and Job is going to suck back the people in their regular life.

2. The other significant factor is the absence of student bodies as universities and schools are still open. Such movements like 1975(JP Movement), 1990(Movement against VP Singh) had a great impact due to involvement of universities. I believe the success of this movement depends largely on that.

3. Whatever happens, I am not sure that it’s going to hurt Congress in long run. Memories of Indian People are of very short duration and it has been proved again and again with issues like MP bribe scandal, Indian Cricket team victories and defeat, reservation bill. Issues definitely stir up the scenes for a while but once it settles down, we Indians don’t ponder much about them much.

4. Team Anna is definitely doing a great job but the problem is their version of Lokpal Bill is way too tight for the other political parties to accept. It’s also safer to say that Corruption is an issue on which no political parties will lend their support to the motion. So it’s going to be a movement of people v/s political powers across all level. And absence of any support from political parties and students further strengthens my doubt over the success of this protest.

5. Last but not the least; I am not sure how many people are actually aware of the difference between Jan Lokpal and Lokpal bill, for which they are protesting.

I would love to be wrong on these issues so please prove me wrong

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Realisation-Struck Zindagi

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara or ZNMD as it will be referred to going forward, is an amazing film. It’s a film which made me understand so much about my life. There were so many things which I could relate myself to and all those scenes on screens made me look at them in a fresh perspective. Like, for instance, in the scene when Hrithik Roshan finishes scuba diving and comes out of the water, he starts crying. My first reaction was maybe it’s some fish which bit him like the way it bit me when I was snorkeling in Andaman, a couple of years ago, and I came out crying just like him. But I was wrong. In his case, it was the self realization-Kung-Fu-Panda-Inner-Peace kind of thing. It started me thinking that maybe I too had cried not because of any fish bite but because I too realized that earning millions of dollar, having a villa in Manhattan before turning 35 is a waste. Instead scuba diving in Spain – well that’s what is called Life!!

The movie also reminded me of another incident when I jumped from an eight-feet high wall with a cape tied across my back, in the hope of becoming a superman and started crying as soon as I hit the ground. Now I know it had nothing to do with the twisted ankle, just as in the case of Farhan Akhtar it had nothing to do with nausea or high blood pressure or anxiety caused due to a jump from a higher altitude. Fortunately, in my case, I was aware that my father and I sharethe same genetic traits, thanks to a school project, so I figure that that particular bout of crying was related to my realization that I am no Superman. It was the hard truth and I was not ready to face it.

But the part which wasclosest to my life was the bull running event. It reminded me of the time when the nasty-barking-rabies-infected-stray dog of my lane ran after me for a mile. Unlike the bull running, where only a few bulls are running behind thousands of people, that was a one-on-one encounter. That was the day I realized I should remain indoors after 10 PM and I must say that it was one hell of a “realization”.

ZNMD is a great movie as it has been inspiring so many people to think afresh and helping them in realizing so many things just like in my case. Now you can “realize” why ZNMD is so close to my heart. But this movie, like every good thing, has its own side effects as well. Last weekend I went to a water park. As you might be aware “urban” people in India think the straight slide to be a dangerous adventure. I decided to do that inspired by ZNMD. As soon as I came out of the water after completing the slide, I had tears my eyes. It was due to some stupid faulty edge of the slide, which scratched my elbow, and trust me, it was a pretty nasty blow. But my friends and people just left me alone thinking that it’s an intensely private moment for me as I must have realized something. Well what can I say; I guess the movie was pretty impactful.

Now wherever I go, I see people who have just crossed the road, people who have just got down from a Mumbai Metro train, people who have just been able to get a job – staring into the heaven. Looking for something to “realize”. Hoping for something to “realize”. The truth is ZNMD is a farce in which the characters are wealthy enough to not care about the banalities of real life and real relationships and in the end realize that their life is more important than the money which they have already earned. But the truth is, we, the middle class people have to do certain jobs and take care of relationships. No matter what we may have realized, Money is going to be the central axis around which life will always be revolving.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Relationships are funny

Relationships are funny. Aren’t they?

One day you are being told that lets be together and the very next day you are being told about not remembering anything due to the blackout after drinking last night

One day you are being blamed for being a changed person since the start of relationship and the very next day for not changing as per the expectations

One day you are being asked to keep your mouth shut and the very next day you are being questioned about your silence

One day you are being asked if you are sure and next day the partner himself/herself is not sure

One day it’s your messy hair which is repulsive and the very next day it’s your green T-shirt

One day it’s all about you better than ex and the very next day you are being worse than the ex himself

One day it’s all about doing things together and the very next day it’s about personal space

Indeed, they are funny enough. But they are important. Right?

Disclaimer attached.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Facebook Oscars

This post is dedicated to recognize the efforts of the people who have dedicated their life to the cause of Facebook. They keep enriching our life through status, links, pictures etc. To recognize them under one group will be a disgrace to the genre they have created so I am going to categorize them and share a few words about them.

Share the gain: This is a group of people who believe in the power of sharing knowledge. They will keep posting links days after day, hour after and sometimes minutes after minutes. The link will specifically be related to the every minute little new thing they have learned today. Whether it’s about Dandi March or about making perfectly boiled eggs. These people will share everything. For the sake of incrementing our knowledge, off course!

Share the pain: People belonging to this category have dedicated their life in showing the other side of the perfectly normal life to us. A life filled with so much pain, a life full of regrets, memories of lost love, loneliness, grief, pain and what not. These posts have the power to make us feel the pain which we wouldn’t have in normal life but they also have been instrumental in taking the research forward in the field of heart pain. I wish I could do something to block their pain ….err….block the pain in their life.

A picture is worth a thousand words: These folks are the most socialized among all the groups. Not only they share their life but they also allow us to peek in their personal life through pics. Due to these photos, we can live a life which wouldn’t have experience. A life where you can see the happiness of a person when he is able to cook maggy for the fiftieth time in his life or smoke a hookah, eat at a decent restaurant. And don’t forget the thousand two hundred odd pics of the garden in the building compound.

Majored in Drama, modified with Psychology: If you have missed Osacr Wilde like greats then don’t worry, we have a whole new breed of Junior woodchucks. Intelligent quotes equipping you with the knowledge to deal with all the possible situations of life ranging from running the government or catching the Obama. They have a solution for everything for everyone.

On-the-Grid: These are the most responsible folks on the facebook. Who would have thought the usage of FB like the way they have done. In today’s world of Osama and Obama, where no one is safe – It’s a responsibility of an individual to let her well wishers known with the personal safety (or existence?). They dutifully keep you updated with the change of 3 days old socks pair or when their flight is delayed by 15 min (from Blackberry, off course)

The Curious Case: These are the most naïve species on the planet. For them facebook is like a key to the world. They want to see who have visited their profile or how they will look in the old age and most amazingly how can a woman squirt on the roller coaster ride. They are very curious and they will click on everything. Literally everything. ( I wish they can click once on a pistol facing them)

Likers: They are the reasons for all the things happening on Facebook. They are the driving force behind the 50 Billion valuation of facebook. People with a disease called likamia and commentia. They will appreciate your changed socks pair, comment on your garden pics and click on each and every link you have shared. These are the foundations of the Facebook community. I salute them.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

What would you wish you'd done before you died?

Someday, sometime or anytime have you thought about the answer to the question which Tyler Durden ask so prominently to the Fight Club team: “Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?”

I have been thinking of it for years and now I know the answer.


- No I am not kidding.

- Yes, I joke around sometime but seriously I want to do this

- What WTF? Everyone is free to choose what he wants to do before he dies. Right?

Have you ever considered the fact that we are animals but the tamed ones. We have been breed to work, to be responsible, sensible, ethical and most importantly respectful and courteous. These thoughts are constantly fed to our mind through stories, movies where good guy gets the woman. We are told education brings humility. It’s not humility but a lack of capacity to humiliate.

What if I like to misbehave with someone, say – “Just for Fun”. Not misbehave, definitely not. It’s not the right word. It’s a milded version of what I want to do बदतमीज़ी. Yes thats exactly what I want do with with people. Just the way an autowallah do.

Have you ever watched a life of an autowallah. So free, so liberal. He can do whatever he want, say whatever he want, and charge what he wants. No one can guide him, force him. He is the most liberal of the souls among us. I want to live my life like that.

Here are some of the things which he can do with people and we can’t even dream of it doing with someone, not even with the ones we hate.


Guy: Chaloge?

Autowallah: Nahin, I will sit in auto and drive. Aapko chalna(walk) hai to chal0(walk).

Scene 2:

Guy: ABC Chalne ka kitna loge?

Autowallah: Aapke paas kitna hai?

Scene 3:

Autowallah: Bahia sahib, kidhar jaoge?

Guy: XYZ

Autowallah: Hmmm….toh jao phir.

See this is what I am talking around. Roaming around, doing बदतमीज़ी with random people and feeling proud for this.

What a life they have!! And we try to take it away from them with meters and regulations. Hell to all of you.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Sachin - The God himself

Everyone has just one question on their mind - How he do, what he do? But I don’t want to ask him anything.I have no question for him. Rather I want to ask you and me and everyone else these questions?

How many of us have worked for years without feeling to give up? How many of us have gone even for flat 22 days to work with the same enthusiasm? How on earth can someone work day after day, week after week, year after year for 22 years with the same commitment and focus? How many of us has cherished and lived a dream for 28 years and kept fighting for it? How many of us have felt disappointed not just by ourselves but by the efforts of people around us? How many of us have tried to be with the people who were not there with us at the time when they were required most, with the people who booed us then? How many of us has managed to kept ourselves far away from any controversy, any fight? How many of us have to think every single day to fight against 15 players, 2 coaches and other staff? How many of us have to outthink people every day? How many are successful in the business where success rate has been close to 0%? How many of us have managed to be on top for 22 years?

But the most important thing is how many of us have managed to kept the fire alive like he did? How many of us woke up everyday with same enthusiasm towards our lives, our dreams, our goals?

I don’t think I can ever understand what It is like to be him. What it takes to be there? May be I don’t want to know because I am sure that the answer will be something which is way beyond my understanding, my capabilities. I just want to savour the moments which are left not thinking about how its going to be after that.

The world is ending in 2012 anyways!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

It rained that night

Its been over 7 months since we talked the way we used to. Its all only the casual talk





It seemed more of a formal conversation. No-one was even trying to get the things better. Its just that we were comfortable that way. For the outside world we were still the ideal ‘Husband-wife’. We’ve always been. But I fear they have also started seeing through the farce we were pretending.

It was a rainy night. It rained like never before. Seemed it was determined enough to take the complete city with it. I was running around, closing all the panes and doors and there I saw her. She was standing in the rain, steady. It looked like even the wind would not dare to move her. I came near to her. She was dripping wet. It reminded me of the first time when I saw her walking down the road. The only difference was the smile, the smile which gleamed her eyes, that took my breath away, was missing. Instead, i saw the shine of tears in her eyes, after a long long time i saw that. Tears. Couple of them were able to make their way significantly to get noticed.

On any other day I would have reached her and held her straight away, but at that time I thought for long time before going near to her and keep my hand on her shoulder. She turned towards me. I could see the dam of sorrows which was tied beneath the indifferent behaviour was broken. She looked at me and whispered slowly : “I wanted to name him Yash.”

Yash. The baby which never took his first breath. We cried that night, together for the first time in 7 month and we cried like never before. The rain tried hard to hide the tears but at the end it gave up...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Help me make a difference....

Its February and It’s the month I celebrate my birthday, 13th Feb. I came across this site:http://www.charitywater.org/september/. The concept is:

We asked our friends to give up their birthdays and ask for donations instead of gifts. We used 100% of the money raised to build water projects. Every year, it got bigger. We've now helped over a million people get clean water.”

I thought it was a brilliant idea. It’s so simple and so effective if every one of us just decide to celebrate our birthdays differently for just once every five years. I have decided to do the same on coming birthday. I would have loved to donate for this organization if they had any projects inIndia but since as they say “Charity begins at home”, I decided to look for something in the country. Something I feel attached to. Something where I want to make a difference.

Through a friend I came in contact with a student organization ‘Mission 5’ which has a brilliant concept of collecting 5 bucks per month from the community and colleges across the city and use the money to supply basic amenities to various NGOs. I fixed up a meeting with the organization Head – Miss Vijaya and I decided to know more about their work.

First and the foremost thing I wanted to ensure was how transparent they were. They maintain it by posting the account of money collected every month and the breakdown of it spend on theirwebsite. You can request for the report file anytime from its members.

With them, I visited: Kannada Adarsha Mahila Makkala Samsthe [KAMMS] which is an orphanage in Bangalore and presently it’s a home for 30 kids. The guy who started it is such an amazing guy. He started this place when he found 3 children on the roadside who lost their parents in tsunami in 2004. Since then he has moved only forward with his commitments. It was such an amazing experience seeing a complete family dedicated for this cause.

spent an evening with those children and I had never felt the way I felt in those 3 hours. The smiles on their faces, the innocence in their eyes, their carefree laugh can make anyone attached to them. The children are going to a decent school in the neighborhood and the food is not a major concern too, thanks to mission 5 and other generous donors. But the main concern is the place where they are living. Right now the orphanage is very small with only two rooms for the 30 children. Mission 5 is taking up the charge of the construction of orphanage in the coming march. Government formalities have been completed. An architect from Pune has offered his services for the cause. The construction will start soon.

So this coming birthday I have decided to accept all the gifts in cash only and along with it, I would donate 5k – as birthday treat money to the organization. This Birthday, Please help me make a difference. Please give me gift in cash on 13th Feb. I will keep you updated with the developments and will be your contact point if you need any clarification regarding anything about this project.

Here is my account number:


IFSC Code - 0574

Savings Account No.: 05741140015394

You can give me cheque as well. I am not going to accept any gift in kind this year. So please give me cash. Any Amount will do. I know you might not be willing; you might not know me but Trust me you will be helping in a cause with dire need.

Facts about Mission 5:

The Man who started it

The Orphanage which needs construction

Friday, January 14, 2011

The King of Good Times

Since last year I have been traveling a lot in flights. I mean it used to be exciting when I was child. They used to be a anticipated mode of journey till recently but then I realized its just a big fucking English goof up. Way worse than our dear Inzi bhai.. As you enter the airport the fucking charade just starts off. Let me go step by step.

“Please proceed for the Boarding process”

Now what the fuck is this. Boarding is itself a process. Then why do they need to add process after boarding. Of course it makes it sounds like something big but its just a fucking simple thing to go in the plane. Adding ‘Process’ to it doesn’t make it any special. “ I am heading towards my shit process” Now does this sound fancy to you?

“ This will be a Non stop flight to Bangalore

Oh really I would have enjoyed a flight making stop at every tourist spot coming between DelhiBangalore. And Oh oh I would love to see Juhu Beach. I heard you can see people making out in the open. Fucking retards.

“Please get on the plane”

To hell with you assoles. I am getting ‘in’ the plane. If you want you can very well go and sit ‘on’ the plane. I mean how much logic is required to formulate a simple sentence in English?


I never understand why they have named it this way. Does it have something to do with the air hostess going in and coming out, on regular basis?

“Safety belt Instructions”

Now they (insist)on teaching one of most complicated procedures in the world – How to put on a seat belt. And although nearly all of them are educated enough but you know, it’s so difficult to put a clip in the buckle. I mean its only second toughest thing on the list of ‘putting one thing inside other’ after sex. You know what, I never completely got to know sex so let me start by learning how to put on a seat belt. This is a nice way. Isn’t it?

“Locate your emergency exit”

That is the only part I am interested in. I turned around and saw a fat fuck sitting right next to me. I plan my exit strategy. Get around the fat fuck, step on the widow, push those children, knock down the hot chick and get out of the plane where I can be of help to others. I can’t be of any help if I am lying under fat fuck’s feet. Am i?

“Under unlikely circumstances if Cabin pressure goes down, Breath normally in oxygen mask.”

Unlikely circumstances like “roof getting off”? Anyways I have no issue in breathing normally in those conditions. And you know what, under those conditions I can shit normally also. Can I do that too?

“Under unlikely circumstances if plane makes a Water landing, you can use your seat cushion as the floating device”

Err….water landing or you mean a “fucking crash in the ocean’. Now that is a comfort that I can use my seat cushion as floating device. See that’s what I need to swim across pacific ocean. Right? And you know what, I can play pillow fight with fellow passengers once I get bored swimming in ocean.

“Please collect your Personal belongings”

‘Personal belongings’. Do they think I brought Public belonging like fountain, Mahatma Gandhi’s statue on the plane? How fucking idiotic can these people be?

“On the behalf of bloody bastard airlines, we welcome you to Indira Gandhi international airport.”

Didn’t you ever feel something stupid in this? I mean not something but the whole fucking sentence. How can she welcome me when she is as arriving with me? And moreover the crew doesn’t even get down on the plane before me. They are the last people. How can they fucking welcome ME?

“Local time is 8.15 AM”

What do you expect us to know from you . Time in Honolulu.

I am tired of swearing now. I won’t do it in the remaining post. The only thing which amazes me is how a mistake made by some airline in some time in past is being getting carried on for years. I expected atleast one 12th pass employee in the airline company would have noticed that. Don’t you agree? But I guess these are the bunch of FUCKING MORONS handling the vehicle, flying at 6000 miles per hour at 20000km altitude. Who the fuck made them in charge.

I am sorry for swearing. (Deep breath)