Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Rain Song

It’s raining here. Defining here is difficult since I have been traveling, traveling for quite a long time now. Rains are special. Everybody has some or the other stories attached to it. My connection with it has always been time bound. I used to love it when it used to rain in the morning or afternoon. I hated it when it rained in the evening since it used to be my playing time and I was scared when it used to rain in night. I still am.

Harshi used to tell me that when I miss people, it rains. Or whether I used to tell this about myself, I don’t exactly remember. I guess associating an event like rain to your feelings of missing someone often produces quite a cinematic effect. But ever since then I try to miss people when it rains. Slowly, it became natural. When it rains, it brings back memories of the things left after the flood of time. When it rains, I miss people or vice versa. I don’t even know what is true.

All that I know is that it’s raining hard here…

Monday, July 19, 2010

Brett "Karan" Lee making waves on the Indian Cinema

Mumbai, 26 September, 2014 : He is every girl's prince charming. He is tall, he is handsome, he is cool, he can dance, he can sing, he can make love, he can cry, he can make people laugh and most importantly he is single (yet again). Yes, we are talking about Bollywood's latest heartthrob, the new lover boy in the land of Kamasutra and plagiarized movies(and of remakes and sequels), Brett Lee.

8 movies since his debut in "Tere bin" (Without You ..)(2010) and 6 of them have sent the cash registers ringing. "Tere Bin" may not have been a success but our man certainly made a point. His next 10 films set the box office ablaze (excluding perhaps the dud "Agosh" (Rage) (2013) where he decided to go for an image makeover and try his hand at an action movie). He is Yash Chopra banners latest torch bearer. The fairy tale journey began in 2010 when, ridden with injuries, he rejected a 2 year extension contract with the Cricket Australia to sign for Yash Chopra's banners "Tere Bin" directed by Uday Chopra. It gelled perfectly with his primary commitment then – the IPL. A couple months a year he represented the Kings XI, while for the rest of the year he shot at exotic locations with the Who’s Who of the Indian paparazzi...........


For continue reading please visit our another blog : http://cricket-without-balls.blogspot.com/2010/02/brett-karan-lee-making-waves-on-indian.html

Thursday, July 15, 2010

PCB hires paul as their Chief Selector

July16, Berlin, Germany - In a fiercely competitive bidding for the annual rights for Paul the Octopus, the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) emerged victorious by defeating BCCI in the tie breaker round. The actual bidding process held under closed doors at the Berlin Grand in Potsdamer Platz and spread over 14 hours involved some of the biggest names in the industry as well as some of the leading organizations throughout the world including Donald Trump, The US Department of Defence and a consortium of the 4 leading I-Banks in the world.

Bookies had bet heavily on Goldman Sachs winning the auction but surprisingly Goldmann Sachs bowed out in the second round of bidding itself. Goldman Sachs decided to enter the auction independently unlike the 4 other leading I-Banks which had entered the field as a consortium. The huge bets on Goldman Sachs had been propelled by an article in the Bloomberg News which had reported that Goldman Sachs had won the auction.

PCB auctioned of Ayesha Gilani (Miss Pakistan 2009) along with half the GDP of Pakistan in the tie breaker round which left the other contender, the BCCI clueless and in effect sealed the deal. Till then it had been a close fight between the two boards, whose parent nations are involved in proxy war off the cricket field. The bidding seemed to have taken an interesting twist in the penultimate round when rumours spread that the PCB had been asked to withdraw their bids else the US would impose economic sanctions on the strife ridden country. After a couple of hours harakiri, the US Department of Defence backed out citing 'highly classified' reasons setting the field open for the two subcontinental cricket boards to clash in the tie breaker.

In a fashion much similar to the Spanish Football Team who decided to rename Paul as Pablo, the PCB has decided to rechristen Paul as Paulad, after the mystical Islamic hero Poulad. When asked about how Paul the Octopus will be used, the PCB chief Ijaz Butt replied ”Paul will be an important part of our WC 2011 strategy. His primary responsibility will be to select the captain of our national cricket team. The other options which we are exploring are team selections, selections of match venue for the home test between Lords and the Oval.". A leading cricketer, popular among his mates for his love for Indian tennis players, revealed that PCB is also planning to use Paul for the Disciplinary Committee. Whether a player will be banned, fined or left untouched will be taken care by Paul from now onwards. Paul will also be deciding whether the ban can be revoked or needs to be extended.

Shahid Afridi left no stone unturned to mark his displeasure on the appointment of Paul as the chief selector. In his interview to cricket-without-balls he told “Why do we need to have a Octopus for it when we already have an established lottery system for it that has been vastly successful over the past 50 years.” This reaction was on expected lines as Paul had revealed last summer that the real age of Shahid Afridi was 41. Pakistan armed forces chief, Ashfaq Kiyyani has issued a national statement on behalf of the people of Pakistan that they are more than happy to welcome Paul in the country. He seemed to be in a very jovial mood as he even joked about using Paul to solve the Kashmir issue.

On the other end of the spectrum, it was a heartbreak for the BCCI. The BCCI had made grand plans about using Paul as its brand ambassador apart from its regular duties that would have included determining whether Sreesanth would be selected as a player or a cheerleader, choosing sponsors for the Indian cricket team and the distribution of TV rights.

Dhoni’s wife Sakshi Rawat is also disappointed since she was eager to meet the great Paul and invite him to dinner in their newly decorated home. Rakhi Sawant similar to Sakshi, from whose name Rakhi Sawant can be derived has also expressed her disappointment that she was ready with a special item number for his welcome (conspicuously titled "paul paul dil ke paas tum rehte ho"). But the biggest setback yet has been to the BJP, who were planning to use Paul with the aid of Sharad Pawar to decide whether 'To Modi' or 'not to Modi'. The RSS has registered its protest through an online petition “bring Paul home” while Mamta has called for 3 days bandh in Kolkata to create pressure on central and state and neighbor and local and municipal and even governments of the neighbouring countries. In between all this, Meneka Gandhi is still continuing her fast against cruelty against Paul through her animal rights organization.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Engineerism aka Fundaism

I am an engineer. A proud member of the community who has been responsible for changing the world, for many centuries now. We are known for our skills like quantitative aptitude, quick learning ability and innovative imagination. But let me tell you a truth today.

We are something bigger than that. Much bigger. We might be missing the basic engineering skills but we are all equipped with a special talent. A talent to listen to things, remembering them and producing them elsewhere in a completely different format. But in a way that it completely fits the discussion and changes the course of it to our favor. We are always searching for people who are doing discussions and when we find them, we never take more than a minute to engulf them in our fundaes. Fundaes which sounds so logical, so original that all these naïve souls are forced to bow down before us and follow us. And the best part is that you never realize that those fundaes had nothing to do with the original discussion.

But the most important part in this process is the way we build these fundaes. We meet different people, we listen to them, we remember what they say and produce them whenever we find ourselves amongst a discussion of which we don’t have a clue about. We generously impart our Gyaan.

Aakhir gyaan aur santaan, baantne se badhte hain.

Let me share an incident of my life to bring more clarity about my thoughts.

I met one of my philosopher friends. He has this bloody interest in theories which try to predict the reason for present situation of society and etc etc. He told me that Greed is the most notable threat to Indian society. This feeling of human beings will be the cause of extinction of humankind from the face of the earth.

Then there is this other friend – “king of weird facts”. These are the kind of people who have a fondness for collecting the most random information of the planet and spreading it generously. He was the one who told me that ‘Threesome’ tops the list of ‘World’s Top 10 Sexual Fantasies’’.

I have one kinky friend too. These are the people who are the porn god of any engineering campus. They are responsible for downloading the maximum stuff and distributing them via LAN. So constant exposure to such erotic and sensual stuff magnifies their imagination level and then can have anyone they want in their dreams to share the bed with. He told me that his biggest fantasy is to share the bed with Katrina Kaif and Priyanka Chopra.

So I collect all the above three points, document them in my mental database and I am good to go.

Quite some time back, couple of my colleagues were discussing about the IPL- Afridi fiasco which was a recent event at that time. I was not much aware of the things going around but I was clearly able to get that Pak players are furious over being not invited. I was thinking of the ways to chip in and consume the naïve souls infront of me.

I started by putting the argument that – see,All this IPL fiasco is just because of the greed of Pakistani player for IPL money and IPL playing experience. Humans are a very greedy species. This greed has been responsible for all the problems we have in our society (Putting larger than life picture solidifies your argument). I told them, that we humans are so greedy that ‘Threesome’ tops the list of ‘World’s Top 10 Sexual Fantasies’ because there are two women involved. More than one woman. So you can see the greed (Now, nobody interferes the discussion with the word threesome making rounds in it). If you can have Katrina Kaif and Priyanka Chopra in the threesome scene, what can be better than that (Last nail in the coffin. No one likes to discuss IPL or Afridi or even RGV after imagining the two most beautiful women in bed together.)

Next 30 mins we were discussing about ‘Pyaar Impossible’ of which, btw yours truly was the master. So you see I came, I spoke and I conquered. This is what we are capable of. Joining the discussion without even knowing anything about it and shifting gears to our favour.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Chennai Chettinad Chapter 2: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I came to Chennai on August 2nd, 2005. My orientation was supposed to be on August 4th but my parents wanted to visit the ‘Green’ IIT Madras campus so we landed up early. A little bit of background. My two cousin brothers who were the pass outs of IIT Madras were the living remains which tells the horrifying story of the food served in the Mess at IIT Madras. I was very determined that I am going to prove them wrong. I am going to accept, adapt and evolve. My first lunch at IIT Madras mess - I took Rasam in the bowl. Trust me it was a daring step if you had seen the look of that thing. I soon realized that it was a deadly step too. I couldn’t get it down. That was my first and the last try at having Rasam.

And that’s how it all started – the great Chennai chapter of my life which is coming to an end on July 23, 2010. Almost 5 years. Like all other place this place also has its worst and its best.

Lets talk about worst first because bitching is always more fun…
1.Autowallah: There was never a time when I asked an autowallah to go somewhere and he didn’t reply with a figure as large as the Avogadro number. You ask them to go anywhere and they will say 200. It’s the only figure I guess they know. The trick is to never approach the autos standing in a group, know the approximate fare beforehand and tell them if they will go in that or cut short whatever they say to one fourth. But still they would be a pain in the ass.

2 Language: The people here don’t understand Hindi. I understand, it happens. But the most bizarre thing is that for one moment they will be talking in Hindi and as soon as the conversation starts going against their way, they forget every single word they ever knew about Hindi.

3.Metro: Chennai aint a metro. If this is a metro then Bhopal is also a metro. And Indore is a super metro. Chennai is like DD Metro. Metro in the name but nothing inside it. For a long long time it was the city with two malls out of which one is Spencer Plaza which is less of a mall and
more of Palika Bazar. With three multiplexes, McDonalds starting their first outlet in 2008 and city shutting down at 9.00PM. Chennai aint metro.It’s the largest village of the country.

4.Culture: I have never been able to come to terms with the claim of it being a ‘Traditional City’. Almost all the people try to moral police on the grounds of their self proclaimed affection towards the Indian Culture. I have always believed that culture is anything which a group of people follow. However, just because you haven’t experienced, that culture does not become objectionable. Especially when 80% of the Indian porn is supplied from down south, you have no right to object. (More on this in some other post.)

I can go on for so many things like rudeness of female passengers in the bus because sitting beside a guy will destroy their sanity or closing the bar at 11 when it’s the time you actually start. But like every city Chennai has the other side of the coin too.

The greatest thing that this city offers is peace. If you are living somewhere near the sea, you can hear the sounds of gushing waves sitting on your rooftop in the calm silent night. It is at that moment when everything wrong about this city looks worth living. There is nothing compared to driving on the ECR road, late in the night with the feel of air coming from the beach running at one side of the road. You just have to take any turn and sit on the one of the longest sea shore. As for me, all these rides have always been the contemplation rides for me. They have helped me in coming to terms with so many things.

Some quick ground rules for survival:
1. Don’t eat anything with the name Kurma.
2. Don’t hesitate to try Andhra mess. They look like shit but serve
one of the most amazing food.
3. Don’t ever pick a fight with an autowallah.
4. Don’t ever pay any money in advance to any autowallah.
5. Don’t panic when you get caught without helmet by the cops. The bribe
charges are very nominal 100-200 bucks.
6. Learn eating rice before coming here.
7. Also learn to eat without watching. It will definitely help.
8. Whenever in pain, go sit on the beach. Life will be good again.
9. Get ready to drink the most amazing beers in your life. Sweet, sour and bitter. Every flavor is available.
10.Don’t drink MGM vodka unless you are determined to die from food poisoning.

I always hated this city. I am very much sure that I will not return here. But I never thought some part of me would love somethings about this city. And it surely does.