Wednesday, November 9, 2011

If I would have got two more hours a day in my life

It pains. Quite a bit. And to be very frank, its really embarrassing lying in the middle of the road in your own blood, puke, intestines and what not.They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the moment before you die. I can make out some people’s faces. Some of whom I never thought will come to my mind again. Maybe it’s due to the head injury. Or maybe they are actually there… Asking me why I never had time for them…

I see my parents. My father whose calls I never picked up and my mother whose calls I hung up during the call… It was due to the lack of time after office. And sometimes, I was just out having fun with friends

I see my friend Rahul. There has been trouble going on his life and he tried to call me and talk to me. But I never could return back the calls since I was stuck in the traffic. The day I got the news of his suicide was the worst day of my life. I wish if I could have picked his call. I blame myself and I know there is nothing which can be done.

I see the face of my ex-girlfriend. She was just trying to spend some time with me. But with all the office and commuting, I was just not able to do it. I understand now that she was right in leaving me. I yearn for her every passing day.

I also see the cover of the books I picked but never finished. Titles of the movies, I wished I could have watched. I can also see my incomplete stamp collection.

I feel as if all these people and things are calling out my name and even today I am not in a position to reach them back. May be, If may be, I could perhaps have had two more hours a day in my life......

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The awkward silence

(Please Note: If you do not have a sense of political incorrectness or silliness, or lack the potential to poke fun at gender bias or are completely incapable of understanding satire, this blog is not for you!)

Do you have a girl who says you are her friend? If ‘yes’ please proceed ahead.

Do you know what level of a friend you are to her? If ‘No’ please proceed ahead. If ‘Yes’ I am suing you for using my copyright theory.

Anyway, if you are here then let me tell you - There are three stages to any friendship with any girl.

Level I – when she calls you on her own.

Level II – When she shares every detail of the day with you.

Level III – This one is tricky. There is a very thin line between Level II and III. The answer is – when she confesses to you that she is down.

But trust me, it’s a really very awkward situation when she does that. Let me explain how.

So one of my friend, let’s say Paplu was a very good friend of let’s say Paplee. It was a warm summer day. The sun was at its peak. It will not be an exaggeration to say that it might have been the hottest day of the decade.

Paplee calls Paplu – Lets meet. Now Paplu was already at level II. They decide to meet at the cafeteria. Paplu was there at sharp 11.00; Paplee arrived at 11.32. She was looking tired and drained.

Paplu: Hey wassup. Late today? What happened?

Paplee: So if I am late one day, you will ask questions. What are you, my boyfriend now ?

Paplu: No!! No I was just asking – Are you ok?

Paplee: No, I am not feeling good.

Paplu: Yeah it’s the heat. You must be dehydarated. Right?

Paplee: Noooo…

Paplu: Head-ache?

Paplee: No, I am down.

(Paplu, of course, didn’t realize that ‘Down’ was ‘Down’. He thought…)

Paplu: Oh, so you are down with fever. It must be sun-stroke.

Paplee: No… I am DOWN.

(NOW Paplu got it)

Paplu: Oh.

(Awkward silence… more awkward silence… some more silence which is obviously awkward… this is not it, there are some more long scary moments of awkward silence)


Paplu: So coffee?

Paplee: NO…

(Awkward silence)

Paplu: Iced tea then?

Paplee: I told you no…

(More silence, definitely awkward)

Paplu: Hmmm… So lunch?

Paplee: Damn it. You are an idiot!

Paplee gets up and walks away….

Now you see why Paplu never got to Level III. I have never been to Level II. I don’t know anyone who has handled this Level III situation perfectly. I am sure there should be a way but what, how. I don’t know.

Still my question is: Why girls do this? I mean we never share if we have a night fall. We never share if we get fungal infection down there. I am not saying you are wrong. I just want to say – we are not the right person. We are not made to handle this that’s why we don’t get it. I mean either teach us the protocol to handle it or expect us to fail.

Well, I am still looking for answers. Let’s see if I ever get one…