Saturday, June 27, 2009

Spoof of Newyork - 'Chennai'

Last night our biotechie expert ashtung shared a very special info with us. He told us that aids originally came from Africa and the reason is, it used to exist among monkeys but somebody fucked some monkey there and Bingo!!

So that’s how it all started

But don’t you think that was pretty obvious. I mean you are for god sake fucking your forefathers. You respect them, you fight them but you don’t fuck them. You fuck them for once and they fuck you forever.

okay so back to the point.

It’s a story about 3 guys, Satyan, Sajal, and Ashu.

Sajal and Satyan are basically Sri lankans who are living in Chennai from their childhood. Ashu comes from Colombo and join them in college. For ashu, Sajal was the love at first sight but it was always unsaid as it always is. Later it turns out that Sajal and Satyan are already fucking each other and ashu feel buttfucked. So he leaves the college and joins some IT firm in Coimbatore.

7 years later….

[Meanwhile there was anti Sri-Lankan riots spread across the city. Satyan was arrested on the charges of cheering Jayasuriya and then kept in custody for a week. 3rd degree torture was given to him. During his stay in adyar police station Satyan kept shouting:


“Gimme my ‘lungi’ back.”

“I don’t want to eat sub. Gimme curd rice.”]

Later Satyan was released and forms and anti-Tamil group. On the other side Ashu was forced by CBI to infiltrate Satyan’s gang. So after 7 years, our buttfucked side hero returns back to Chennai to meet Satyan and Sajal living a happily married life with an adopted son.

Finally after some clichéd twist and turns, Ashu was able to infiltrate into Satyan’s gang and he get the information that Satyan is planning something big. Now Ashu is the biggest dumbass in the movie who is never able to see things straight. I mean not sexually but in all aspects of life. No body in the gang gives a shit about him, nobody discusses anything with him and he just keep roaming around dreaming about Sajal. Later he was able to convince Sajal also that they should buttfuck Satyan in his big plan.

Finally they are able to get the info that something is going to happen between India- SL match. Ashu conveys the information to CBI.

Match day…..

Security was very tight. Satyan disguised in the makeup of IIT PhD. Scholar enters into stadium. Now nobody knows what he is planning and what he is upto. Choppers are making rounds over stadium, snipers ready to shoot from every nook and corner.

Rameez raja –“So match start here finally. Jayasuriya start hitting again and my god! That is some serious hitting. Even afridi couldn’t hit like that. Here is a change in bowling attack. Virendra singh comes on attack. He has been in tremendous form in IPL and was purple cap holder. Oh I am sorry, that was RP singh. Its Virendra sehwag who has been brought back into attack.

Off the field everybody was waiting for the Satyan’s next move. Sajal tried calling to Satyan but low battery played the spoilsport. Everybody is tensed. Sweat dripping on Satyan’s face when he decides to make the final move.

Suddenly, everybody is on their toes. The whole stadium is shocked. No body has ever seen this thing in India. No body can believe their eyes. It was the most daring acts in the history of notorioity.

Here is a nude streaker on the field. And he is none other than Satyan. With a waist of 38, he is running pretty fast across the field. He has done his homework, he is clean shaved, has the latest hairstyle and yes my friend you are right, those are the fucking ray-ban glasses.

But suddenly he started running towards Jayasuriya. CBI officers gave the nod and snipers from all round the stadium took the shot. But he keeps running towards the batsmen. Finally he was able to shake hand with Jayasuriya. Last bullet came straight through his hearts. His last words were –“you rock, bro”

Sajal and Ashu lived happily after.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

On love and Realtionships -1

I have been thinking to write something on this issue but I never thought it would start this way:
I am locked out of room and I am sitting in someone’s room and I have absolutely nothing to do, so here I think, let’s start it today.”

Actually Tamanna gave me this idea when we discussed the vicious circle named relationships. She suggested me to write something on this (so she is the one to be blamed).

Anyways after infinite crushes, millions of on and off relationship and after putting fundaes to some of the most naïve souls on planet, I believe I am an expert. (trust me, I am still single )

Okay let me get back to point and start the things off. This first post will be based on the first date + 3 (max) more meeting after that.

Date 1 fundaes for guys:

Basic Funda: There is always a particular thing, gals look for. It can be your looks, sense of humor, sincerity, decency, studness, emotional connection, caring soul, I don give a damn attitude….I mean anything. So keep showing your various aspects and hope that it will hit the bull’s eye.

Preparation: Most of the guys has a problem that they are not able to talk freely. So the best thing is to mug. The things we do best. Which anyone can do best.

Step 1: Mug some basic 10 questions to start the conversation like: ‘Whats your college, hobbies, family background, movies, novels, songs, field of specialization.’

Step 2: Learn some funny incidents which someone ever told you and putting yourself in the centre, rephrase it and mug it properly.

Step 3: Make a list of 5 exclusive movies of every genre and learn everything about it, from cast, crew, director, reviews, storyline, and historical significance.

Step 4: Similarly choose a genre of music and try to learn as much as you can about it.

Step 5: Create a fake past relationship if u didn’t have any, and try to show the emotional side of your nature like how much you loved her but things didn’t worked out. Sometimes you have to let things go. It will also proves how much mature you are in terms of relationship. If you nail this part perfectly, bingo! You are halfway through.

Step 6: Try to show that you care about world. You know about and want to change it. Try to fake yourself as some NGO member. It might work in some cases.

Note: all this preparation works for initial some dates because sooner or later, everything is eventually going to come out. But who cares about the later stuff. We will deal it then and there.

Dating tips for gals:

We don’t care about anything else until you have a good rack. [:)]

Okay to be very serious, guys like to talk to a girl who can continue the conversation. I guess no preparation is need for that. Jus keep saying 3 words –
I also think the same way.

We always look for a person with whom we can connect emotionally so whenever we are telling some creepy emotional stuff, use the above the 3 words again.

To be very true, I don’t have much fundaes on the girl’s side so I will really appreciate if someone helps me figure out that part also.

PS:the views expressed are simply fundaes and author dont use it in his own personal life.

Friday, June 19, 2009


Yes, it was 22nd dec. Today was the day. I was so anxious to reach my destination. The usual 8 hours journey seemed like a complete day. It’s been like 6 years since I have met him and last month when he told me that he is going to be here and it was ‘ yes, done ,deal , final’ kinda plan.

I reached there and saw some familiar faces to receive me on station. Uncle and aunty were looking quite old from what I remembered. The usual jolly smile of uncle was also missing and I can see the sadness in the eyes of aunty. I get on in the car and we discussed usual stuff through the way. Finally, it was the time, I was waiting.

I literally ran into the house, waiting to see him. He was my closest friend from childhood. We shared everything. We played together, we studied together, we dreamed together. We shared a lot with each other, we had our good and bad times but nothing seemed to effect us until we were together. Those were the days when adrenaline use to be high in the blood. The time when we believe that one day world is going to get down before us, until the harsh realities of life hit us and we compromised with it and moved on.

I was so happy that now the good ol’ times will be discussed, some time will be devoted again to see some dreams, make some new plans. But what I saw there, shook me deep inside. He was lying there on bad, he looked so awful. He has lost some 15-20 kg weight, once the glowing eyes were barely visible and all there was just dark circles. I can see the blue marks of syringes all through his body. The only thing which was same was his smile. The smile which used to give me courage, the smile which used to make me laugh, the smile which used to say much more than words. Now it was saying that it’s the time.

He told me that he is not afraid of dying. The only thing which makes him upset that the persons for whom he cared through the life, will be hurt. He didn’t want to meet me, because that will make him wish to survive more. He was afraid that we will talk about all the good time we had and that would make the compromise, he already made with the death more difficult to follow.

I couldn’t say anything to him. Anyways what would have I told him?? There was nothing in my hand or his. The pain was so unbearable. I couldn’t wish for his long life also.

But the only thing I learned is that the only thing we share is to compromise. We compromise with burden coming along with success. With pain coming with failure, we compromise in life, in jobs, in relationship. We compromise throughout our life and if that is not enough we compromise with our death too.

Friday, June 12, 2009


Yeh yeh!! One more reason to celebrate for me. Tangerine has awarded me the most prestigious award – ‘Blogger Friendship Award’ [:)]

And now it’s the time for acceptance speech. [:)]

Firstly I would like to thanks Vatsa for being my first source of inspiration towards blogging. I couldn’t have achieved this award without the constant critical reviews by Anshul, constant support (or rather the only supporter) of sumedh. Thanks to chcha and Darda for mocking me all the way.

Last but not the least, thanks to tangy for giving me this beautiful award. I would like to dedicate award to my mom. (Can you feel the tears in m eyes ??).

Hey I didn’t forget shailesh, Gopal, Kshitiz, Deepanshu, Mudit, Qartyk, Konark, vipul, Jadoo, Sajal, ena, meena, teena, sheena, leena and all my fans!!

The perfect week

What a week it had been and what an awesome week this is going to be. I was in Mumbai this Sunday for my exam and after I finished it, I met my cousin and his wife. My bhabhi is my long time good friend (since XIth) and it was so great to see them as couple.

We had a great dinner in ‘Machaan’ followed by a next day trip to ‘water kingdom’. I couldn’t have asked for more after the exam got over.

I took a train on Monday and came back to Kota. After a complete year I met my dadi and dadaji. My dadi has been quite ill for a long time. I was so depressed to see my dadi in this condition. She had lost quite a weight but lately the conditioning has been improving a little and I wish that she gets perfect. My dadi has been one of the most wonderful ladies I have ever seen. She is the reason that my huge family is so much attached to each other. She is the reason I get through JEE. I know the only reason that her health is getting worse day by day is everyone in the family is getting transferred to someplace far but since now my dad is back in the city, she will feel a little better.

Next day I met my bro. he is the reason I am here. He got through IIM and we are celebrating it. he had been my partner in crime since childhood and meeting him again is like the old gang inback in role. the traditonal custom of reading comics had also been fulfilled.

 I met one of my oldest classmates who always used to beat me in class and the only reason the tag of second ranker was always there with me. I also met 2 of my teachers who played a vital role in my life. And then there was some more relatives and night out gappe sessions.

Today is Thursday and by sat morning everybody will be here. I am sure that we are going to have a gala time. My BTP report will be over by tomorrow. (finally, hopefully).

Right now I just wish to be my life like this forever.

Must Must Must !!

For me the news channel always used to be the best time pass in life after discovery/history channel (FTV excluded…).But this time during my short stay in Udaipur, I was so bored and frustrated with these news channels. They were showing all sorts of crap news all day, repeating some 20sec youtube video, for continuously 85 times upto a duration of 45 mins.

Fuck me for counting all this shit.

I tried for continuous 2 hours, some 13 news channel and I was not able to get even a single news on GM bankruptcy. The height was – while presenting the news of Air-France plane crash, IBN7 called a panel for the discussion on the topic of validity of Bermuda triangles. These a’soles don’t care about the people who died, they are discussing arbit things.

Other Updates:

I got another job in Beroe Inc. and I will be joining as Senior (no kidding!!) Research Analyst on 27th July, in Chennai. Company is a US based startup. It works in the field of supply chain management.

My CFA exam is over and out. The next is FRM. No more discussions about result, preparation or anything remotely related to it. My bro got selected in IIM Bangalore and he is throwing a great big mini shaadi level Treat and I am in Kota this week for the event. My laughter (or PPJ – Painful Poor Joke) show is the major highlight. Everyone invited. (For the show, not treat)

My BTP project is still due for submission on 19th so I am returning back on 14th night, back to Chennai for next 2 weeks.

And yeah, we are transferred back to Kota again from Udaipur, so I am again officially from Kota.

PS: yo bro!! You rock man..... My first poem just for you:

Miles to go,
Places to see;
life is too short,
Anyways, lets see;

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The match that was!! (Eng v/s Neitherlands)

I know its been quite a time for this match but I was busy travelling, giving exams and roaming around that I couldn’t manage to put this. So anyways here it is:

Its always been said if you win the match there is a single ‘man of the match’ but if you loose its always collective responsibility of the team. But this was a classic example of how a single person can manage to let the match slip. I always believed that Ajit agarkar was the most choot bowler in world cricket history who after bagging more than 250 wickets also,considered nowhere near a decent bowler but Stuart Broad denies the world’s most choot bowler to agarkar and became undisputed champion. Here it is what happened.

The last over is going to be bowled by Stuart Broad. 7 runs needed

Ball 1: Broad fields and should run him out - but misses! That's the fourth run-out opportunity they've missed tonight alone

Ball 2: Broad fields and does a Jonty Rhodes, diving onto the stumps. But as his right hand (holding the ball) hits the turf, he releases the ball and missed it again- it's his hand which smashes the bails! Not out

Ball 3: Broad's dropped a wellied smash to a full toss! High above his head and it took a while to reach him.

Just two runs needed ... off one ball!

Ball 6: Broad has all three stumps as he collects it in his follow through. But he misses, and they run an overthrow. They're through and Netherlands have scored a brilliantly, outstanding upset here for the first match at Lord's!