Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010 and the year ahead

Another year is passing by. With it, I once again realise that I’ve never felt anything special on a New Year’s eve. I guess the only purpose it serves for me is to make me look back upon what I have done during the past year and what more there is to do during the coming year. Even today, I am going to do exactly that.

Let me start with saying that 2010 will always be special because of Sachin. He scored a 200 in an ODI, the 50th hundred in test cricket and many other feats which need an entirely separate blog post. 2010 will always be remembered for being the year when we once again saw the rise of the star, and oh, such a rise!

Apart from cricket, I started reading again. I read about 14-15 novels, watched three amazing TV series: Two and a half Men,Boston Legal and House, completed 70 per cent of the Clint Eastwood filmography and started listening to Pearl jam and Mike Oldfield.

On the career front, this year has been quite good and satisfying. I cleared CFA-I and FRM-I, switched jobs, changed my city.

On the front of life, however, this has been tremenndous year. Rather, a rockstar year, where I saw lot of ups and some downs.

I met Anuja and Parul – people from a very different background. It was like seeing life from a completely different perspective. These guys are responsible for shaping my blog the way it is now. Earlier, it used to be full of whimsy posts, but these people restricted me and guided me towards good writing. Anuja is one of the finest political reporter ever. She is committed and energetic, and I am very sure she will get whatever she wants in life. Parul is the most exceptional writer I have ever seen. Any post, no matter what the length, is mesmerizing. Her writing is filled with the pure, unadulterated scent of nature and joy. I am sure great things are just waiting to happen to her. I guess the time spent with them in Chennai will always be one of the best times I’ve ever had. And moreover, I saw the side of Delhi I would never have been able to see without these guys.

I shifted to Bangalore which, as I have already written tones of times, is a city full of friends. In the five months here, I have grown to understand why Delhi means so much to Parul and what Mumbai is for Paplu. I think I am falling in love with this city.

Konark and Chhavi are the people who make this city special. Konark and I were counting and we realized that we have been friends for 10 whole years now! I realise it now that he is the guy responsible for making me whatever I am. I was just a bloody nerd before I met him. And for Chhavi - I can’t say anything! She is one of the finest individuals I have ever met. I discover so much about life and myself while talking to her. Being with her amazes me, making me wonder how strong and hardworking a person can be.

I guess I was saving the best for the last – Ravi and Jadoo, the two guys with whom I share the flat. I can’t remember even a single dull moment in the last five months. It has been a rocking life with these guys around. Though sometimes I miss the Friday ritual which I used to share with Jadoo while we were in Chennai, but I guess here everyday is a Friday night.

I met Harshi on and off, and it was good being friends with her again and to find her doing amazingly well in life.

Apart from all the good things, there have been a couple of sad moments. I left Chennai, and now I regret why I never felt close to my old roommates, Pattrow and Abhishek. They are amazing people. Today, when I have left the place, I miss them. There are memories and very strong memories, which come again and again and make me wish I could relive that life again

The most painful day was the day Paplu left for Mumbai. A person who has been more than a friend, a family for me far from home for the last five years, the guy with whom I have shared my life and dreams, the partner in crime for all those years and even then five years seem like five minutes. No one can ever take the place of Paplu in my life, but I am happy he is doing what he always wanted to do. Bloody investment banker. Asshole.

Somehow the track with Anuja got lost. We don’t talk much. Our lives are different. I am not even sure if we are friends anymore. But it’s the choice we made. I don’t regret it but losing a friend is the toughest thing for me. Since the time I can remember, friends have been my family. I don’t know why, but I am indifferent to my real family. I feel ashamed of it, but I can’t feel the connection. So, in the end it’s just the friends I have.

This reminds me, this year I am going to try harder to reconnect with my family.

I will travel more.

I hate myself for being such a procrastinator that I haven’t devoted any time for charity. I am for sure I am going to do that this year.

In the beginning of the year I decided to write 73 posts during the year. And I am lagging way behind it. To be very true, I am not sure how much I am going to write this year. I am losing the attraction towards writing pretty fast.

In the end, I just can't thank my fellow blogmates, who have been a major support, enough... Your blogs and comments give me somuch to think. They give altogether a different perspective about everything around me. I mean there are literally no words.I hope you will understand the feeling.

I guess it's been a long ranting post. Let me end this with something on the line of the tagline used in advertisements for Hyundai Accent six years ago -- “I thank the holy god, I thank all my blogmates, I thank all my family, I thank all my friends – without whom I would have been just another guy spending just another year.”

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Jingle Bells...

( Sorry, I am late in posting this)

Christmas was special when I was little. Then It lost its meaning for me. Now it has started getting its meaning again in my life. Prime reason being working in the US company or for US company, you get loads of free time when your counterparts goes on leave during Christmas. So at the end of the day its Holiday time for us – India Folks.

But talking to a friend last night reminded me why Christmas lost its meaning. I mean I used to be pretty excited about it till I was 8. The story is like this – I used to get gifts under by pillow on every Christmas. I used to be so much grateful to Santa. I mean I really used to believe that Santa exist. Then I started growing up and all sorts of evil plan started creeping into my mind. One Christmas I decided I am going to catch Santa. I knew that he used to come during midnight. I was all prepared for the night. Slept a lot in day so that I can stay up long in night. With the preparation and commitment, this 8 year old camped himself on the roof.

Now obviously the parents will be worried seeing their 8 year on roof in the December chill. They came up to convince me that Santa will come only when I will be asleep. I replied that other kids are asleep and he is going to deliver them the gift. I will catch him then. See how the age ruins you. Seeing all their arguments falling, finally my parents admitted that There is no Santa and they were the one who used to plant gifts under the bed.

This was the most shattering revelation of my life till that age. Off course life is full of such revelation now. Like “ you have always been a friend/brother for me”. Anyways so that was the end of my Christmas dreams. Viral next morning confirmed that for my lifetime.

But as I always believe everything in life happens twice. I have started feeling joyous about Christmas again. And above that in the secret Santa party in office I got ‘ Out of my comfort zone’ - the autobiography of Steve Waugh. It was THE most amazing gift I ever received on Christmas. I am happy.

On the same note I wish you a great, happy and cheerful Christmas.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Marketing Blunders

Just Saw this somewhere.....

1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick."

4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Week That Wasn't


You pack. You ride. You check in. Wait. Sit. Tuck the seat belt in. And then you take it out. The air hostess. The girl in the aisle seat. The fat uncle in the middle seat. Sandwich. Water. Once again the seat belt goes in. But only to be taken out. You check out and you are done with step one.


You meet. You hug. You smoke. The good ol’ days. The bad new days. You crib. The pain. The gossip. Smiles. Laughter. Loud laughter. And the night passes by before you can even realize.

You sleep. You wake up. There are missed calls. There are plans. Lunch. Coffee. More coffee. The pub. You drink. You start laughing. You drink more. You get senti. You drink more. And more. You black out. You puke. You puke more until you crash. You wake up next morning with a few things missing. A bag, a wallet and perhaps some people. Brief time periods.

You meet. You hug. Lunch. Coffee. More coffee. Dinner. You smoke. You hallucinate. You laugh. Pink Floyd. Tool. And the next 10 hours are a little hazy.

You pack your bags and move for your next destination. Edward Norton asked in Fight Club : If you wake up at a different place, at a different time, is it possible you wake up as a different person. Actually yes, if you wake up among different people called Family.


You talk. You laugh. You eat. You pray. You make small talk. Future plans. Marriage. Job. Food. Salary. Some more blah blah. You pack your bag and it’s time for the great Indian wedding.


People to lift luggage – Check

Taxi to pick you up – Check

Hotel to crash – Check

Good great group of friends – Check

Tonnes of food – Check

Music – Uncheck

Chicks – Uncheck

Dance – Uncheck

Booze – Check

And amid them, tones of jokes about Anshul.

You pack your bag. Take a train. Fight for the reserved birth. Give it up later for a hot chick. Try to make small talk. No phone number. No Facebook account. You de-board, tired of sitting after giving up your birth


Yes, it's crowded. Yes, there are slums. And ye,s everybody wants to be a millionaire. It's once again meeting, hugging, eating, shopping, drinking, puking, smoking, hallucinating, losing a bag, tripping, dancing and more blah.

All in all. Ten bloody fucking days of fun incorporated.

And Yes. Anshul is still an asshole.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Trivia about Rajnikant 2

1. When Rajnikant dies..his tombstone will not read RIP. It will read.......BRB!!

2. There are no lesbians. Only women who have not met Rajnikant!

3. Once Rajnikant kicked a horse in the chin.. It's decendents were found to be giraffes!!

4. When Rajnikant does push ups, he isn't lifting himself up, he is pushing the earth down...!!! :o :D

5. Rajnikant knows Victoria secret

6. There is no Ctrl button on Rajnikant's pc beacuse Rajnikant is always in control

7. Rajnikant died 20 years ago. Death hasn't built the courage to tell him yet!

8. Some people claim to walk on water, Rajnikant can swim through land.

9. When Rajnikant smokes up, the weed gets high!!!

10. The world cannot end in 2012 because Rajnikant bought a laptop with 3 years warranty

11. If Rajni Kant, nobody Can!!!

12. Rajnikant is not a star, he is Universe! He is the Big Bang!

13. Rajnikant can come up with an amicable solution on Ayodhya in 60 seconds. It will be amicable because Rajnikant says so

14. Only Rajnikant can fix all the things in CWG

15. Rajnikant can count till infinity. Twice

16. Rajnikant can delete recycle bin also

17. Only Rajnikant Can call Lord Voldermort by name!

18. Once Rajnikanth was denied VISA to Australia. He kept his hand on the head of the child. The child's name was VVS Laxman.

19. Rajnikant * 0 = Rajnikant

20. Rajnikant can finish Mario Bros without using the Jump button

21. Rajnikanth participated in a 100m race and obviously came 1st. But Einstein died after watching that, because light came 2nd!!!

22. Rajni was once playing 'Statue' with someone.. now tht someone is knw as 'Statue of Liberty' :P

23. God once made a mistake and exclaimed, "Oh my Rajinikanth!".

24. The new rupee symbol is merely Rajnikanth's signature

25. Rajnikant once taught a kid to enter a house without ringing the bell... The kid is now known as Sub-inspector Daya!!!

26. Secret of Apple logo revealed...It was Rajnikant who ate the Apple..!!!

27. Rajnikant wrote a cheque without balance.. the bank bounced..

28. 20 years later 'ROBOT' will make a film called "Rajnikant".........!!!

29. Only Rajnikant can unlike a post on Facebook

30. Mrs.Pratibha Patil is Indian citizen no.1...No. of Rajnikant number is 0

31. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Rajnikant allows to live.

32. When Rajnikant logs into twitter, twitter informs Rajnikant What's happening!

33. Rajnikanth is making a movie called 'Twitter' and he's going to be playing all 140 characters.

34. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.

35. Google won’t find Rajinikanth because you don’t find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.

36. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.

37. Rajinikanth can speak Braille.

38. Chuck Norris once met Rajinikanth. The result – He was reduced to a joke on the internet.

39. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikanth”.

40. Finally something tha THE RAJNIKANT can't do: Bat Like Sachin!!!

(Courtesy: Ashutosh, Kartik, Konark, Hrishikesh, Sumedh and so many other people whose dedication towards this great purpose will be remembered for the years to come. This is just a tribute to you guys. Cheers!)

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dating Guide 2 : The Bitter Better first dates

So Guys, It’s the D day. Date-Day.

You dress up in one of the very few finest pair of clothes you have. But before wearing them you make your way to the nearest neighbour with an excuse to use his Deo, just to let him know that you are going on a date. Finest and funkiest pair of sneakers are chosen and stolen from outside the room of a Freshie. And you are up and ready to go.

You reach at the pre-decided place at the exact time only to wait for a good thirty minutes before the lady arrives with an excuse of either traffic or of dropping some friend off in the way. You enter the restaurant and use all the tips and tricks you have gathered through Bond movies and TV series to look awesome.

The real fun starts when you take a table and the conversation begins. It always begins with what you do in life besides studies. (Who cares for what you study anyway!) So if the answer has keywords like ‘SRK movies’, ‘Chetan Bhagat,’jogging’, ‘world peace’, ‘A Walk to Remember’ or ‘mom-dad’ – it’s time to get cautious. This is your first red signal. And it's also an indicator that all your years of wiki knowledge, tons of hours spent on classic cinema, statistics of cricket and histories of metal bands, memorized back and forth, are being dumped into a dustbin. That too, a dustbin with a shredder. Neither acquired knowledge nor previous information has any scope, in the future, with this girl.

But still the situation is under control. All this initial damage has created, is, a few moments of awkward silence and nothing all. Now you change the course of discussion to life in college. Keywords to be warned of here – sleep, boring, mom-dad.

But still there is a chance to salvage this date. You start with your life and how you got caught ‘smoked up’ in an exam and saved yourself with sheer awesomeness. If the reply is, “Really???”, then you are saved. But if the reply is, “I hate smoking”, then you are…




By the time food arrives you are sure that all the over-expensive French and Italian food items you ordered, whose name you memorized last night, are complete waste. Now all that is left is to save a few bucks. But the motherfucker Waiter always wait for this opportunity, when he sees two people on a date, to recite all the things in the menu – soup, starters, deserts , mock tail, cocktail , etc. That is when you pray in your heart that the Girl does not fall into the trap and order something.

But other than this the major issue is to pass the time between soup and main course and desert. You try to message some random guy, read some forwards to lighten up the mood, talk about the weather, future plans, blah blah blah…

The only savior in these conditions is 'good waxed legs'. They can be of anyone's. Either the girl you are with or the girl sitting right across to you or even the girl passing by the road visible from the window. Those are the only things which will be your whole and sole entertainment. But if you have lived in the great city of Chennai – you are




Now it’s time for goodbye. You are happy. She is happy. You promise each other to catch up soon only to turn around and swear never to see each other. And that brings an end to this great date Saga.

Only to get started all over again in a couple of weeks because We all love to date. Don’t we???

Monday, October 11, 2010

Dating Guide : The Bitter Better first dates

Boring dates. Yes, we all have been victims on that front at least once in our lives. There can be infinite reasons behind why a date turned out to be boring... like a disastrous laugh or a horrendous voice or an acute lack of ability to understand Kalmadi jokes. But let’s stick to the statement – "It just didn't click". It's really interesting (am I being a sadist?) to see expectations getting shattered, dreams getting crushed. And yet, what the hell. We all love to date.

But let us focus first on the buildup that it takes until the bomb drops. First you manage to get yourself fixed for a date, and being a student of an engineering college -- that too an IIT, where the sex ratio has been rounded off to zero for a better approximation since the inception of these prestigious institutes -- is sufficient to make you feel like the king of the planet. You spend some nights imagining how the date will be. And how then it will turn into a long walk along the beach. And then how the CCD’s caffeine will play its role along with the stimulation of the forest reserve , which the IIT shows off, to get you an awesomely-ever-dreamed-make-out. Oh, at this point let me tell you – imagination is all we have. 'We', as in the engineers' army. As rightly said by a great scholar, "They can take our grades, they can take our LAN, they can close the gates at 11, but they can't take our imagination". So coming back to the point -- you imagine and you do all your stuff enjoying that imagination till reality hits you.

On the out-of-the-room front -- it’s time to brag. You go to the room of the nearest friend -- or to that of a friend like Anshul, if you have one, that is. But the trick is that you don’t blabber it out. You wait for the right moment, when the friend will ask you questions related to your life and you will proudly declare yourself as the date-winner, and will go through the entire process in a very casual manner, as if it’s regular stuff for you.

But no son-of-a-bitch friend will ask you anything.

Me: So what’s the plan for tomorrow? Doing anything?

Friend: Nah, regular stuff.

(Damn it, at least a courtesy of “What about you?” would have been appreciated!)

Me: I might not be attending the concrete class tomorrow.

Friend: Okay.

(That was a lame attempt. As if he cares.

Now this is the masterpiece – strike where it matters to him)

Me: Dude, can I take you bicycle? I have to go to the main gate.

Friend: Why do you need to go to the main gate?


So now, after all of them know about the date stuff, an all-son-of-the-bitches'-council meeting is called. The only purpose of this meeting is to prove that your over-exaggerated description of the girl is just a sham. For the starters – the FB/orkut profile is opened and searched. The scrutiny done then is far more intense then what any company does during placements. From 'about me' to 'statuses' to the 'likes' to the 'groups', and most importantly, the pics are put under heavy-duty scanner. Any small thing -- a like on a Kalmadi speech video or a Justing Beiber video on her profile -- and you are mocked all through the night to prove that you are a loser going on a date with this girl. But steel-minded as you are, you always believe these are just a bunch of jealous guys.

And then the day of the date comes. ( be continued)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bangalore happened

"From lungi to pants, from sweat to sweaters, from ACs to fans, from no meter to meter, from a desktop to a laptop, from 6th to 7th floor, from friends to friends, from orange to gray, from Beroe’zgaar to Capital’one’ist, from Chennai to Bangalore – the transaction is done. In the midst of these changes, I feel stability. I feel peace."

I wrote that in the beginning of August when I shifted to Bangalore -- but never got the required enthusiasm or zeal to complete it. Life in Bangalore is so much different from that in Chennai. Life in Capital One is so much different from the one in Beroe. Since I have now come to Bangalore, I am living my life in each moment. I am not thinking about anything beyond two months in both the directions of time. I am not dreaming anymore. I am not writing. I am just trapped in the four walls of a happy and content life, a life which I had dreamed of. Living with friends, working in such a company within a city like Bangalore. I was satisfied, all I wanted was to sit back and know that it was for real. But things and memory tear apart the walls, while you sit, sipping pina-colada. Somethings make you realize that life is much more than sleep, work and fart. It’s a little deeper. And I believe writing helps me explore those deeper meanings. So now I am back. I have promised myself at least one post a week or four posts per month. Whichever be possible.

I apologize to all my blog friends for being absent from the scene for such a long time. I hope you will forgive me, considering you generous enough to even leave comments on my blog. J

Just to update you with another character who will be appearing frequently on future blog post -- this character is Jadoo. He is an IIT-mate and now a flat mate. He is working for a firm which is growing at a rate 1473%, and we believe the company is going to overpower all the Fortune 10 companies within ten years. Now, this has become possible ever since Jadoo has joined the place.

To tell you a Secret, Jadoo is no one else but the kaliyug avatar -- Kalki -- that we have listened about and heard and prayed for. He has the power of awesomeness and can make anyone awesome using his awesome rays, just like he did with the company. Since Jadoo has come, the tourism industry of Bangalore has increased by 120%. He was the one referred to by Kalmadi when he made his famous statement, “I am sure, the new heroes will be born here (India).” I am lucky to be living in the proximity of such a great great man. Let’s hail Jadoo!!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Cute, Beautiful & Hot

Had a very interesting conversation with one of my friends last night. I asked her what a girl means when she tells a guy that he is cute.

Now, for me being called cute is being pink, or red, or simply gay (I hate being politically correct all the time, especially when I’m called cute)! It is like you are being told, “Sorry mate, you are not good for anything. But we can be friends”.

My point is, I do not mind being a friend. But I hate being a ‘cute’ friend.

So I asked her in plain words, and she told me what the different words really mean:

Cute: The guy can sweep the girl off her feet by his charm.

Hot: The guy can sweep the girl off her feet through his looks.

Smart: The guy can sweep the girl off her feet because of his brains.

… and so on.

I must say we are way better (and creative) in terms of expression. We are the better deceivers in this game.

So here’s my take on the different things we tell a girl, and what we really mean:

Cute: You are beautiful.

Beautiful: You are hot.

Hot: I so want to have sex with you. Right now.

This is it. Simple, no?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Let's go to the Mall

Have you ever been for shopping to a mall with a girl or a couple of girls or for that matter with girls in a group? What did you feel that time? Did you enjoy? Was it fun?

If your answer is yes, then my friend, I am sorry but you are gay.

No sane and straight guy will ever go and enjoy shopping with a girl. It’s the most embarrassing thing that can happen to you except when your towel comes down in the hostel. Well, we will talk about this one in some other post, but for now, let’s concentrate on shopping.

How it all starts?

Well, you get a call from a friend or girlfriend and she asks you to meet in the market near the coffee store. You reach there and wait for full 20 minutes before you see the friend/ girlfriend coming with another girl and you are asked to join for shopping. Did I say asked? Oh, I am sorry. I meant, told.

What happens when you enter the mall?

It’s no different than you entering alone, except that since you are already with a girl, no other girl will see/notice/smile at you. But that doesn’t happen anyways, so I don’t really mind the ignoring part. However, the fun part starts as soon as you cross the perfume section. Nobody tries to sell you anything if you are alone but as soon as you enter with a girl, the salesmen will crowd around you and by the time you realize it, you will be smelling in the most feminine way possible, thanks to the huge cluster of tester bottles lined up, sprayed up.

How is the shopping part?

Oh, this is real fun. A bit for us, a lot more for them and all for the onlookers. So, much before you realize you will be in the ladies section. Walking among a territory owned by females make you feel so scared. All the eyes around try to guess your intention. And you will be trying to avoid direct eye contact as far as possible. But while doing all this you will see where the lingerie section of the store is. It will be something, which will be helpful in the future course of this shopping extravaganza.

You will be asked which one looks good –light blue or sky blue? And you are not left alone until you answer the question. After you answer sky blue, invariably every time light blue will be selected for trial.

What was the experience during trial session?

This is an essential part of shopping. Right? Well unluckily, yes. You will be asked to hold a minimum of 10 clothes, which will be short-listed while trials for the final selection. You will be walking like a living hanger. But you don’t mind this because this is your only chance where your companion will be in the trial room. You can roam around and see the latest hooks and patterns in the lingerie market, which would be helpful for future escapades. That reminds me, there is nothing more embarrassing than searching for the hooks in the bra while making out, but then, as always, we’ll talk about this in some other post.

Now, finally, the trial process is over but sadly not your pain. Now you will be asked to help in finalizing the short listed stuff and all your suggestions and recommendations will be ignored, thrashed and turned down flatly. In total, completely after 17min 37 seconds of brainstorming discussions – one piece of cloth is selected. Salesman will frown at you as if you are responsible for this mess of 15 clothes tried, which he will be clearing off but you can’t do anything. Can you?

So, when are you going next for shopping with a girl?!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Rain Song

It’s raining here. Defining here is difficult since I have been traveling, traveling for quite a long time now. Rains are special. Everybody has some or the other stories attached to it. My connection with it has always been time bound. I used to love it when it used to rain in the morning or afternoon. I hated it when it rained in the evening since it used to be my playing time and I was scared when it used to rain in night. I still am.

Harshi used to tell me that when I miss people, it rains. Or whether I used to tell this about myself, I don’t exactly remember. I guess associating an event like rain to your feelings of missing someone often produces quite a cinematic effect. But ever since then I try to miss people when it rains. Slowly, it became natural. When it rains, it brings back memories of the things left after the flood of time. When it rains, I miss people or vice versa. I don’t even know what is true.

All that I know is that it’s raining hard here…

Monday, July 19, 2010

Brett "Karan" Lee making waves on the Indian Cinema

Mumbai, 26 September, 2014 : He is every girl's prince charming. He is tall, he is handsome, he is cool, he can dance, he can sing, he can make love, he can cry, he can make people laugh and most importantly he is single (yet again). Yes, we are talking about Bollywood's latest heartthrob, the new lover boy in the land of Kamasutra and plagiarized movies(and of remakes and sequels), Brett Lee.

8 movies since his debut in "Tere bin" (Without You ..)(2010) and 6 of them have sent the cash registers ringing. "Tere Bin" may not have been a success but our man certainly made a point. His next 10 films set the box office ablaze (excluding perhaps the dud "Agosh" (Rage) (2013) where he decided to go for an image makeover and try his hand at an action movie). He is Yash Chopra banners latest torch bearer. The fairy tale journey began in 2010 when, ridden with injuries, he rejected a 2 year extension contract with the Cricket Australia to sign for Yash Chopra's banners "Tere Bin" directed by Uday Chopra. It gelled perfectly with his primary commitment then – the IPL. A couple months a year he represented the Kings XI, while for the rest of the year he shot at exotic locations with the Who’s Who of the Indian paparazzi...........


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Thursday, July 15, 2010

PCB hires paul as their Chief Selector

July16, Berlin, Germany - In a fiercely competitive bidding for the annual rights for Paul the Octopus, the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) emerged victorious by defeating BCCI in the tie breaker round. The actual bidding process held under closed doors at the Berlin Grand in Potsdamer Platz and spread over 14 hours involved some of the biggest names in the industry as well as some of the leading organizations throughout the world including Donald Trump, The US Department of Defence and a consortium of the 4 leading I-Banks in the world.

Bookies had bet heavily on Goldman Sachs winning the auction but surprisingly Goldmann Sachs bowed out in the second round of bidding itself. Goldman Sachs decided to enter the auction independently unlike the 4 other leading I-Banks which had entered the field as a consortium. The huge bets on Goldman Sachs had been propelled by an article in the Bloomberg News which had reported that Goldman Sachs had won the auction.

PCB auctioned of Ayesha Gilani (Miss Pakistan 2009) along with half the GDP of Pakistan in the tie breaker round which left the other contender, the BCCI clueless and in effect sealed the deal. Till then it had been a close fight between the two boards, whose parent nations are involved in proxy war off the cricket field. The bidding seemed to have taken an interesting twist in the penultimate round when rumours spread that the PCB had been asked to withdraw their bids else the US would impose economic sanctions on the strife ridden country. After a couple of hours harakiri, the US Department of Defence backed out citing 'highly classified' reasons setting the field open for the two subcontinental cricket boards to clash in the tie breaker.

In a fashion much similar to the Spanish Football Team who decided to rename Paul as Pablo, the PCB has decided to rechristen Paul as Paulad, after the mystical Islamic hero Poulad. When asked about how Paul the Octopus will be used, the PCB chief Ijaz Butt replied ”Paul will be an important part of our WC 2011 strategy. His primary responsibility will be to select the captain of our national cricket team. The other options which we are exploring are team selections, selections of match venue for the home test between Lords and the Oval.". A leading cricketer, popular among his mates for his love for Indian tennis players, revealed that PCB is also planning to use Paul for the Disciplinary Committee. Whether a player will be banned, fined or left untouched will be taken care by Paul from now onwards. Paul will also be deciding whether the ban can be revoked or needs to be extended.

Shahid Afridi left no stone unturned to mark his displeasure on the appointment of Paul as the chief selector. In his interview to cricket-without-balls he told “Why do we need to have a Octopus for it when we already have an established lottery system for it that has been vastly successful over the past 50 years.” This reaction was on expected lines as Paul had revealed last summer that the real age of Shahid Afridi was 41. Pakistan armed forces chief, Ashfaq Kiyyani has issued a national statement on behalf of the people of Pakistan that they are more than happy to welcome Paul in the country. He seemed to be in a very jovial mood as he even joked about using Paul to solve the Kashmir issue.

On the other end of the spectrum, it was a heartbreak for the BCCI. The BCCI had made grand plans about using Paul as its brand ambassador apart from its regular duties that would have included determining whether Sreesanth would be selected as a player or a cheerleader, choosing sponsors for the Indian cricket team and the distribution of TV rights.

Dhoni’s wife Sakshi Rawat is also disappointed since she was eager to meet the great Paul and invite him to dinner in their newly decorated home. Rakhi Sawant similar to Sakshi, from whose name Rakhi Sawant can be derived has also expressed her disappointment that she was ready with a special item number for his welcome (conspicuously titled "paul paul dil ke paas tum rehte ho"). But the biggest setback yet has been to the BJP, who were planning to use Paul with the aid of Sharad Pawar to decide whether 'To Modi' or 'not to Modi'. The RSS has registered its protest through an online petition “bring Paul home” while Mamta has called for 3 days bandh in Kolkata to create pressure on central and state and neighbor and local and municipal and even governments of the neighbouring countries. In between all this, Meneka Gandhi is still continuing her fast against cruelty against Paul through her animal rights organization.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Engineerism aka Fundaism

I am an engineer. A proud member of the community who has been responsible for changing the world, for many centuries now. We are known for our skills like quantitative aptitude, quick learning ability and innovative imagination. But let me tell you a truth today.

We are something bigger than that. Much bigger. We might be missing the basic engineering skills but we are all equipped with a special talent. A talent to listen to things, remembering them and producing them elsewhere in a completely different format. But in a way that it completely fits the discussion and changes the course of it to our favor. We are always searching for people who are doing discussions and when we find them, we never take more than a minute to engulf them in our fundaes. Fundaes which sounds so logical, so original that all these naïve souls are forced to bow down before us and follow us. And the best part is that you never realize that those fundaes had nothing to do with the original discussion.

But the most important part in this process is the way we build these fundaes. We meet different people, we listen to them, we remember what they say and produce them whenever we find ourselves amongst a discussion of which we don’t have a clue about. We generously impart our Gyaan.

Aakhir gyaan aur santaan, baantne se badhte hain.

Let me share an incident of my life to bring more clarity about my thoughts.

I met one of my philosopher friends. He has this bloody interest in theories which try to predict the reason for present situation of society and etc etc. He told me that Greed is the most notable threat to Indian society. This feeling of human beings will be the cause of extinction of humankind from the face of the earth.

Then there is this other friend – “king of weird facts”. These are the kind of people who have a fondness for collecting the most random information of the planet and spreading it generously. He was the one who told me that ‘Threesome’ tops the list of ‘World’s Top 10 Sexual Fantasies’’.

I have one kinky friend too. These are the people who are the porn god of any engineering campus. They are responsible for downloading the maximum stuff and distributing them via LAN. So constant exposure to such erotic and sensual stuff magnifies their imagination level and then can have anyone they want in their dreams to share the bed with. He told me that his biggest fantasy is to share the bed with Katrina Kaif and Priyanka Chopra.

So I collect all the above three points, document them in my mental database and I am good to go.

Quite some time back, couple of my colleagues were discussing about the IPL- Afridi fiasco which was a recent event at that time. I was not much aware of the things going around but I was clearly able to get that Pak players are furious over being not invited. I was thinking of the ways to chip in and consume the naïve souls infront of me.

I started by putting the argument that – see,All this IPL fiasco is just because of the greed of Pakistani player for IPL money and IPL playing experience. Humans are a very greedy species. This greed has been responsible for all the problems we have in our society (Putting larger than life picture solidifies your argument). I told them, that we humans are so greedy that ‘Threesome’ tops the list of ‘World’s Top 10 Sexual Fantasies’ because there are two women involved. More than one woman. So you can see the greed (Now, nobody interferes the discussion with the word threesome making rounds in it). If you can have Katrina Kaif and Priyanka Chopra in the threesome scene, what can be better than that (Last nail in the coffin. No one likes to discuss IPL or Afridi or even RGV after imagining the two most beautiful women in bed together.)

Next 30 mins we were discussing about ‘Pyaar Impossible’ of which, btw yours truly was the master. So you see I came, I spoke and I conquered. This is what we are capable of. Joining the discussion without even knowing anything about it and shifting gears to our favour.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Chennai Chettinad Chapter 2: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I came to Chennai on August 2nd, 2005. My orientation was supposed to be on August 4th but my parents wanted to visit the ‘Green’ IIT Madras campus so we landed up early. A little bit of background. My two cousin brothers who were the pass outs of IIT Madras were the living remains which tells the horrifying story of the food served in the Mess at IIT Madras. I was very determined that I am going to prove them wrong. I am going to accept, adapt and evolve. My first lunch at IIT Madras mess - I took Rasam in the bowl. Trust me it was a daring step if you had seen the look of that thing. I soon realized that it was a deadly step too. I couldn’t get it down. That was my first and the last try at having Rasam.

And that’s how it all started – the great Chennai chapter of my life which is coming to an end on July 23, 2010. Almost 5 years. Like all other place this place also has its worst and its best.

Lets talk about worst first because bitching is always more fun…
1.Autowallah: There was never a time when I asked an autowallah to go somewhere and he didn’t reply with a figure as large as the Avogadro number. You ask them to go anywhere and they will say 200. It’s the only figure I guess they know. The trick is to never approach the autos standing in a group, know the approximate fare beforehand and tell them if they will go in that or cut short whatever they say to one fourth. But still they would be a pain in the ass.

2 Language: The people here don’t understand Hindi. I understand, it happens. But the most bizarre thing is that for one moment they will be talking in Hindi and as soon as the conversation starts going against their way, they forget every single word they ever knew about Hindi.

3.Metro: Chennai aint a metro. If this is a metro then Bhopal is also a metro. And Indore is a super metro. Chennai is like DD Metro. Metro in the name but nothing inside it. For a long long time it was the city with two malls out of which one is Spencer Plaza which is less of a mall and
more of Palika Bazar. With three multiplexes, McDonalds starting their first outlet in 2008 and city shutting down at 9.00PM. Chennai aint metro.It’s the largest village of the country.

4.Culture: I have never been able to come to terms with the claim of it being a ‘Traditional City’. Almost all the people try to moral police on the grounds of their self proclaimed affection towards the Indian Culture. I have always believed that culture is anything which a group of people follow. However, just because you haven’t experienced, that culture does not become objectionable. Especially when 80% of the Indian porn is supplied from down south, you have no right to object. (More on this in some other post.)

I can go on for so many things like rudeness of female passengers in the bus because sitting beside a guy will destroy their sanity or closing the bar at 11 when it’s the time you actually start. But like every city Chennai has the other side of the coin too.

The greatest thing that this city offers is peace. If you are living somewhere near the sea, you can hear the sounds of gushing waves sitting on your rooftop in the calm silent night. It is at that moment when everything wrong about this city looks worth living. There is nothing compared to driving on the ECR road, late in the night with the feel of air coming from the beach running at one side of the road. You just have to take any turn and sit on the one of the longest sea shore. As for me, all these rides have always been the contemplation rides for me. They have helped me in coming to terms with so many things.

Some quick ground rules for survival:
1. Don’t eat anything with the name Kurma.
2. Don’t hesitate to try Andhra mess. They look like shit but serve
one of the most amazing food.
3. Don’t ever pick a fight with an autowallah.
4. Don’t ever pay any money in advance to any autowallah.
5. Don’t panic when you get caught without helmet by the cops. The bribe
charges are very nominal 100-200 bucks.
6. Learn eating rice before coming here.
7. Also learn to eat without watching. It will definitely help.
8. Whenever in pain, go sit on the beach. Life will be good again.
9. Get ready to drink the most amazing beers in your life. Sweet, sour and bitter. Every flavor is available.
10.Don’t drink MGM vodka unless you are determined to die from food poisoning.

I always hated this city. I am very much sure that I will not return here. But I never thought some part of me would love somethings about this city. And it surely does.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

WTF story of the day - 1

He’s got Ash, not the splash
- Abhi’s dive claim and reluctant champ’s version don’t tally:

Capitalism - Boon or Evil !!

Must read Article

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Fuck 'Rules'

We all are afraid of change. We all resist it. Reason is not that we fear the unknown, but we are afraid that the rules we have created around ourselves, by ourselves, will be broken. We all entangle ourselves by the rules, rules about making friend, rules about eating hours, rules about brands, rules about every god damn thing we do. But the real question is – do we need these rules?

Rules bring order in our chaosed life. Rules are good. They keep you on track. They keep you focused, increase your efficiency. Rules give you an illusion of ordered life. Rules makes you feel that everything is going according to a plan. And we all love things when they work according to the plan. Rules limit our view. They limit our idea of good things. There is this friend of mine. She told me that she has a rule of her life, she does not let anyone touch her hair. And the best moment in her relationship was when her boyfriend tied her hair. Now do you really believe that of all the smiles, tears and quite moments they shared, is Hair-tying-moment deserved to be the best? But then why this is special? It’s special because a rule was broken that time and it made that moment treasured.

Rules make our life so narrow. Rules are good but they stop you from changing. You shut yourself in your world of rules and you keep resisting change. Change is good. Change is inevitable. Change is nature’s way of tell you that that nothing lasts forever. So why do we have all these rules then?? In the end, the rules that we define, ends up defining ourselves.

I quote Tyler Durden – “I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve. Let the chips fall where they may.”