Monday, August 30, 2010

Cute, Beautiful & Hot

Had a very interesting conversation with one of my friends last night. I asked her what a girl means when she tells a guy that he is cute.

Now, for me being called cute is being pink, or red, or simply gay (I hate being politically correct all the time, especially when I’m called cute)! It is like you are being told, “Sorry mate, you are not good for anything. But we can be friends”.

My point is, I do not mind being a friend. But I hate being a ‘cute’ friend.

So I asked her in plain words, and she told me what the different words really mean:

Cute: The guy can sweep the girl off her feet by his charm.

Hot: The guy can sweep the girl off her feet through his looks.

Smart: The guy can sweep the girl off her feet because of his brains.

… and so on.

I must say we are way better (and creative) in terms of expression. We are the better deceivers in this game.

So here’s my take on the different things we tell a girl, and what we really mean:

Cute: You are beautiful.

Beautiful: You are hot.

Hot: I so want to have sex with you. Right now.

This is it. Simple, no?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Let's go to the Mall

Have you ever been for shopping to a mall with a girl or a couple of girls or for that matter with girls in a group? What did you feel that time? Did you enjoy? Was it fun?

If your answer is yes, then my friend, I am sorry but you are gay.

No sane and straight guy will ever go and enjoy shopping with a girl. It’s the most embarrassing thing that can happen to you except when your towel comes down in the hostel. Well, we will talk about this one in some other post, but for now, let’s concentrate on shopping.

How it all starts?

Well, you get a call from a friend or girlfriend and she asks you to meet in the market near the coffee store. You reach there and wait for full 20 minutes before you see the friend/ girlfriend coming with another girl and you are asked to join for shopping. Did I say asked? Oh, I am sorry. I meant, told.

What happens when you enter the mall?

It’s no different than you entering alone, except that since you are already with a girl, no other girl will see/notice/smile at you. But that doesn’t happen anyways, so I don’t really mind the ignoring part. However, the fun part starts as soon as you cross the perfume section. Nobody tries to sell you anything if you are alone but as soon as you enter with a girl, the salesmen will crowd around you and by the time you realize it, you will be smelling in the most feminine way possible, thanks to the huge cluster of tester bottles lined up, sprayed up.

How is the shopping part?

Oh, this is real fun. A bit for us, a lot more for them and all for the onlookers. So, much before you realize you will be in the ladies section. Walking among a territory owned by females make you feel so scared. All the eyes around try to guess your intention. And you will be trying to avoid direct eye contact as far as possible. But while doing all this you will see where the lingerie section of the store is. It will be something, which will be helpful in the future course of this shopping extravaganza.

You will be asked which one looks good –light blue or sky blue? And you are not left alone until you answer the question. After you answer sky blue, invariably every time light blue will be selected for trial.

What was the experience during trial session?

This is an essential part of shopping. Right? Well unluckily, yes. You will be asked to hold a minimum of 10 clothes, which will be short-listed while trials for the final selection. You will be walking like a living hanger. But you don’t mind this because this is your only chance where your companion will be in the trial room. You can roam around and see the latest hooks and patterns in the lingerie market, which would be helpful for future escapades. That reminds me, there is nothing more embarrassing than searching for the hooks in the bra while making out, but then, as always, we’ll talk about this in some other post.

Now, finally, the trial process is over but sadly not your pain. Now you will be asked to help in finalizing the short listed stuff and all your suggestions and recommendations will be ignored, thrashed and turned down flatly. In total, completely after 17min 37 seconds of brainstorming discussions – one piece of cloth is selected. Salesman will frown at you as if you are responsible for this mess of 15 clothes tried, which he will be clearing off but you can’t do anything. Can you?

So, when are you going next for shopping with a girl?!