Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Love

Love. It has always been a puzzle for me. For that matter, any relationship that I share with my parents, family, friends, strangers or with you is not intuitive for me. Growing up, my extrovert nature exposed me to various kinds of interactions. Every conversation was another data point for me to figure out the rules. Some of them I understood. Most of it, I had to leave as it was. As time passed, I got better in understanding most of it.

Most, that is, except Love. I have never been able to get it. 

Love is best expressed by announcing it to the world, yet it is also spoken well through the silence. Love is felt in the company of your loved one and also in the longing of that special companionship. Love makes you feel complete even when you are alone but also leave you unheard in a group of people. It is so much more and also nothing but just 4 letters written and spoken. 

I never believed in destiny and love at first sight. But the night we first met, I was supposed to be on a plane to the US and you should have been at a different place. But we ended up meeting each other. I still don’t believe we were supposed to happen, but I guess it was destiny. And I know, it was love at first sight. 

I remember seeing you for the first time. You were sleeping, and I came into the room accidentally. I just got a glimpse of your face through the light that forced itself through the cracks of the doors and panes of the windows. I should have closed the door, but I couldn’t. There was something which made me stay. Something which made me wish everything stop right then and there. Your high forehead, the sharply defined chin, pale skin, long dark hair, high delicate eyebrows, strong nose, narrow mouth and full lips delimitated the logic and reasoning.That moment was so complete in itself. I never thought it would change my life. But I am glad it did. Forever.

When we started going out, Love for me was all about getting your attention. It was a free spirited love tied to the smile on your face, controlled by your presence in the room and dominated by the words coming out of your lips. It’s impossible to separate lust from love. In that case lust was not defined by the desires of the body but by your gentle touch when we shook hands, touch of your body when you were at the backseat of my bike, smell of your hair while sitting beside each other. It was the time when the day was successful with a single glance of you, the joke was funny with a simple smile from you and every action was justified if it gets a nod by you. My thoughts didn’t matter if you haven’t heard them. I didn’t matter if I was not with you. We lived the life by the moment and nothing else mattered. Love was a complex yet very simple to understand for me. It was all about fun for me. 

Time passed by and we started feeling more secure in each other’s company. We would share our dreams and hopes and plans. We were still young and felt unstoppable. Everything was within our reach and nothing would bother us. We believed life to be perfect in each other’s company and decided to be together till eternity. Love meant strength and success.

Something changed after marriage. Rules changed. Goals Changed. Priorities changed. The world became more complex and circumstances started bothering us. It took us some time to figure that out and bring everything and everyone in place. You were ambitious, and I was not. You pushed me to be the best that I could be. You were comfortable leaving everything for me. I never understood it. I still don’t. How someone can leave all that matters behind, all that define them, for someone else and be content with the decision. I started to realize that Love meant sacrifice.

Moving to the US brought us so many opportunities and challenges. Our life became my life. Our dreams became my dreams. I enjoyed it for a while but started hating it soon. Living your life for someone you love takes its toll and I saw it in you. We started asking different things from each other. We stopped enjoying things that we used to. Love was confusing.  

But with time, we rediscovered each other. We started another journey where we pursued new things and started enjoying each other’s company in a different way. We started becoming ‘ONE’ from two different selves. You pushed me each and every day to be the best I can be. I resisted and continued resisting. It took me some time to leave my notions and start seeing the world from your eyes. And It was a very different but beautiful world. After being together for 7 years, there is very little that has not been told or shared. The puzzle that we are for each other, has already been solved. But in the midst of everything, there is a comforting silence that wraps our world. I know now that Love is far beyond any definition or set of rules. 

The last 5 years has not been the life I promised you. It has been a life full of struggles, uncertainties, and compromises. But it has also been a life with hopes, dreams, and perseverance. It has been a life of grit. I can’t promise it will be happily ever after. I can only promise that I would try my best to be alongside you every step of the way. I promise to be a better person than I am today and continue to push you to be the best version of yourself. I promise that one day this life we share together will be a life well spent.  

2 comments:

Uvin Yadav said...

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kavi said...

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