THE DAY (20th August, 2007)

Today the day started like the normal one but its keep on turning a bit different. The things were looking different and changed. I don’t know whether it was real or it was just within me It was like I was waiting for something to happen very desperately. As the day progress the feeling of hope and despair keep on overwhelming each other. I got the message I was waiting and it was all hope. I was feeling very excited and happy after a very long time but the fear of everything getting blown away comes true again. I don’t know how could I have stopped that but in the last it was all over. Rite now my mind is full of thoughts. Thoughts about things, people, life, about myself. I am feeling lost. I don’t know but yeah some part or the other in my body is not happy. The dream shattered away after untiring efforts of 3.5 months. I want to talk about myself but there is nobody to listen. I want to shout but I can’t. I want to ask but I can’t. I want to feel but I can’t. I want to be HAPPY but CANT. I don’t know whether it was my nature or circumstances. I don’t know whether my born super power of an exceptional sense of humor is a boon or curse to me. My fault was I just wanted to be happy and the only way I know was to, take things lightly. People say I should be more serous in life but I don’t want to. I just want to be myself. I admit I try to dominate things because I believe that’s the best way to succeed and lead. It may be wrong but what if I know this is the only way till now and I followed it. No body told me the better way or I was not successful in them, in both cases I followed my way. Why people expect me to be like him, her or even like themselves. I am myself, why they can’t accept that. It’s true I don’t care about others but look on the positive side I am not doing or wishing to hurt anyone. Its just I don’t want myself to be part of their life rather I want them to be part of my life. I believe everyone try that. What’s wrong in that? People do change with time and I have changed a lot in last 3 months. Why don’t people see themselves changing? Everything changes with time but by how much, depends on us. I am in agony. I just want to go away somewhere far from here. I just want to hide somewhere. But I can’t. 5:30PM - first core meeting of my life, then the fucking lab report whose readings have already been lost by me, then search for the lady coord. I don’t know but I believe, keep running is the best way of salvation. It’s the only path I know. If you have some better way then please contact me ASAP. I wish this would be the only sad entry in my blog. Some last words thanks a lot to all my friends few to mention- FKD, naren, rajat, anshul, mms, sauvya, mili, samy, nimit. Thanks a lot for being with me.