Saturday, March 6, 2010

Mayhem Day

“In fresh violent protests against an article purportedly written by Bangladeshi writer Taslima Nasreen, a petrol bomb was hurled on the office of the Kannada daily that published it. The office of Jai Kirana, a local English eveninger, was also stoned, police said.

Miscreants forced their way into the building housing the office of New Indian Express and its sister publication Kannada Prabha, which published the article on Burqa tradition on its Sunday magazine section, and hurled a petrol bomb.”

I saw such news last time when actor Rajkumar died. Oh wait I heard it when YSR died. One sec, did it happen in Mumbai also on the North Indian issue or last year in Chennai for the Srilanka issue. Oh yeah, now I remember. It’s still happening over the Telangana issue.

I got into a pensive mode looking for a solution to this problem - the problem of destructing anything we can get our hands on when we have the chance to. I drank 4 straight cup of black coffee; Milds 20s pack was over within a couple of hours but nothing came up. How can you have a solution to a problem which is present in the world since the inception of life?

A million futile attempts later, I hopped on to my bed and crashed.

While sleeping, I realized why it’s not a good thing to drink 4 cups of black coffee. I woke up and as I was trying to get rid of it, it struck me. Such a simple solution for such a great problem! Who would have thought about that?

Now let me get straight to the solution:

( Before 17 years)

Sir: Why do we have festivals??

Pratik from the first bench: Sir, We have festivals so that we can celebrate our culture.

Sir: you are an idiot, Pratik! Yeah you tell me Sonia (* with a long smile*)

Sonia from third row: Sir, we have festivals so that we can eat sweets.

Sir: That’s brilliant Sonia. Okay now let me explain it you. We have festivals because they unite us. They give us a reason to be together and celebrate.

That was the first thing which I was told about festivals when I was in grade III. But now I realize we don’t need special days to celebrate our happiness. I mean we do need but how many of us are really happy? Deep down within us, we all are in pain and frustration.

But do we have a particular day when we can let all our frustrations out??

No we don’t!!

Then how can a person like you and I who is frustrated with the bomb blast in Pune, Shashi Throor’s tweets, biased Hockey federation, and even a crying Ponting can let out his anger in a legal and civilized manner.

The only solution is – Mayhem Day.

We should have a universal day- Mayhem Day, when we can burst out our frustration. Rather we can have Mayhem Day on a quarterly basis matching with that of the quarterly results of companies because nothing frustrates more than a dip in the share price. Respected governments should make arrangements in a park where there will be different sections for letting your anger out.

Kids section can have small plastic glasses which they can kick or small punching bags.

Ladies section can have a special throwing arena where they can throw anything they want on a heap of glass bottles.

The masculine gender’s section can have government buses or cars which they are allowed to set on fire.

Just think over this for a sec. If we can do all this officially and legally, what will be the need of a silly excuse like the death of actor Rajkumar to burn the government bus, which is anyways driven like hell. I know that this may sound farfetched but it is a proven method applied in the past.

You dont remember it?? Are you kidding??

Have you forgotten the Gladiators?

This has been the most effective technique to keep people calm other than the obvious Genocide.

BTW this news has reinforced my long time belief that we are all just a wild species who have somehow managed to grow further up in the evolution cycle. I guess such incidents show us who we really are and the potential threat we are to this planet. We are our greatest enemy.


sandeep said...

kya baat hai.. mast.. nice to read.

Pratik Gupta said...

@Sandeep: Thanks man!! Thanks a lot :) BTW kya haal chaal??

Nipun said...

What an idea sirji!!

Wish this happens in the future and ur idea reaches the ministry for riot control..
We r indeed highly evolved wild animals who are omnivorous in nature.
We even eat our fellow beings.
Hope to make the world a better place to live.........



p.s. Stop that mild thing. It kills.

Pratik Gupta said...

@Nipun: Yus, We will have a riot control minister in future. Yes I hope the same

PS: Milds was added to create the scene of Sherlock Holmes level brain storming session :)

Nipun said...

sudhar jao bhaiya....:(

INFERNO said...

it is a good solution but only flaw is , its' not customized and actionable :P
Sample this, if someone is frustrated from his team leader, he would not find the frustration release by hitting a punching bag, but if his team leader is hooked upside down, then the joy of hitting would be unparallel.
So only point which I want to add to your brilliant idea is to make the ritual decentralised . So each office celebrating its mayhem day as per government norms, and the method of mayhem would be decided by voting amongst staff.

INFERNO said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashwin said...

Pretty good idea! And yeah, we should be allowed to have effigies too!

Ashtung said...

I'm sold bro!!!
good idea

Shruti said...

Seriously!! What an Idea Sirji :D. Btw, true about us being social animals- social first, animal later. Of course we need to allow for that occasional reversal, getting in touch with the primal side, as they say.
Waise, future mantriji ke manifesto ke liye point studd hai :P

Pratik Gupta said...

@Inferno: Yeah dude totally!! This is just a first draft. Modification ke liye we will have a special mandal commission which will present its report. :)

Pratik Gupta said...

@Ashwin: Effigies for Managers ??? Nice!! :):)

Pratik Gupta said...

@Ashtung: Great to be on the same side of argument :)

Pratik Gupta said...

@Shruti: Glad that you liked it :)

Abhishek said...

When is it?!
Let's kick some butt legally!

Pratik Gupta said...

@Abhishek: The nation is waiting for a leader like you man!! Go arrange it!! :)

Someone said...

oye, how come i missed so many of your posts..let me come on it one by one

kathryn said...

So, you figure if we've got a nice, legal, sane outlet for everyone's anger, maybe no-one'll get seriously hurt?

You may be on to something there! It's worth a shot!

Pratik Gupta said...

@someone: Go Go Go!! :)

@kathryn: This is just an idea.Since everything else has failed, this is the last option available.