Chennai Chettinad Chapter 2: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I came to Chennai on August 2nd, 2005. My orientation was supposed to be on August 4th but my parents wanted to visit the ‘Green’ IIT Madras campus so we landed up early. A little bit of background. My two cousin brothers who were the pass outs of IIT Madras were the living remains which tells the horrifying story of the food served in the Mess at IIT Madras. I was very determined that I am going to prove them wrong. I am going to accept, adapt and evolve. My first lunch at IIT Madras mess - I took Rasam in the bowl. Trust me it was a daring step if you had seen the look of that thing. I soon realized that it was a deadly step too. I couldn’t get it down. That was my first and the last try at having Rasam.

And that’s how it all started – the great Chennai chapter of my life which is coming to an end on July 23, 2010. Almost 5 years. Like all other place this place also has its worst and its best.

Lets talk about worst first because bitching is always more fun…
1.Autowallah: There was never a time when I asked an autowallah to go somewhere and he didn’t reply with a figure as large as the Avogadro number. You ask them to go anywhere and they will say 200. It’s the only figure I guess they know. The trick is to never approach the autos standing in a group, know the approximate fare beforehand and tell them if they will go in that or cut short whatever they say to one fourth. But still they would be a pain in the ass.

2 Language: The people here don’t understand Hindi. I understand, it happens. But the most bizarre thing is that for one moment they will be talking in Hindi and as soon as the conversation starts going against their way, they forget every single word they ever knew about Hindi.

3.Metro: Chennai aint a metro. If this is a metro then Bhopal is also a metro. And Indore is a super metro. Chennai is like DD Metro. Metro in the name but nothing inside it. For a long long time it was the city with two malls out of which one is Spencer Plaza which is less of a mall and
more of Palika Bazar. With three multiplexes, McDonalds starting their first outlet in 2008 and city shutting down at 9.00PM. Chennai aint metro.It’s the largest village of the country.

4.Culture: I have never been able to come to terms with the claim of it being a ‘Traditional City’. Almost all the people try to moral police on the grounds of their self proclaimed affection towards the Indian Culture. I have always believed that culture is anything which a group of people follow. However, just because you haven’t experienced, that culture does not become objectionable. Especially when 80% of the Indian porn is supplied from down south, you have no right to object. (More on this in some other post.)

I can go on for so many things like rudeness of female passengers in the bus because sitting beside a guy will destroy their sanity or closing the bar at 11 when it’s the time you actually start. But like every city Chennai has the other side of the coin too.

The greatest thing that this city offers is peace. If you are living somewhere near the sea, you can hear the sounds of gushing waves sitting on your rooftop in the calm silent night. It is at that moment when everything wrong about this city looks worth living. There is nothing compared to driving on the ECR road, late in the night with the feel of air coming from the beach running at one side of the road. You just have to take any turn and sit on the one of the longest sea shore. As for me, all these rides have always been the contemplation rides for me. They have helped me in coming to terms with so many things.

Some quick ground rules for survival:
1. Don’t eat anything with the name Kurma.
2. Don’t hesitate to try Andhra mess. They look like shit but serve
one of the most amazing food.
3. Don’t ever pick a fight with an autowallah.
4. Don’t ever pay any money in advance to any autowallah.
5. Don’t panic when you get caught without helmet by the cops. The bribe
charges are very nominal 100-200 bucks.
6. Learn eating rice before coming here.
7. Also learn to eat without watching. It will definitely help.
8. Whenever in pain, go sit on the beach. Life will be good again.
9. Get ready to drink the most amazing beers in your life. Sweet, sour and bitter. Every flavor is available.
10.Don’t drink MGM vodka unless you are determined to die from food poisoning.

I always hated this city. I am very much sure that I will not return here. But I never thought some part of me would love somethings about this city. And it surely does.