Just One Step.

It was a calm chilly night. Just like any other nights. But it was completely different for me. I guess everything seems different when you are standing at the edge of the 20th floor of a building.

I was feeling chilled to the bone when I was standing there. I looked down and I could see everything so small. The cars moving on the road were looking minuscule. It was just like playing games in the childhood all over again, the only difference being that the remote was not with me. The series of street light going in a straight line never seemed to end. I never imagined this face of the city.

I was all alone there, on the roof top. I was depressed. I was in despair. And while I was standing there, I was thinking that just one step will solve all my problems. There will be no more days when I have to wake up afraid of facing the world all over again. There will be no more people to whom I have to give answers. There will be no more office where I will be forced to talk to people. There will be no more parties I am supposed to attend. No more phone calls I have to entertain. I will be free from the mask of sanity and courage that I have been carrying around for the last two years. Above all this, I will be free from my guilt, my own guilt. The guilt of having been a part of such a horrifying act. And all this could have happened, in just one step.

But the last step is not so easy. I was there filled with so many conflicting thoughts. Thoughts about parents, thoughts about friends and thoughts about the good times. I could see flashes of all the people I have ever met in front of my eyes. I could even see some faces which I saw in the bus last night. Every face was giving me a reason to live. But the question was - am I worth their attention? Or rather, do I even care about them now, because that moment was for me, about my life, my pain and my guilt. And today I had a chance to free myself from all of these. All I had to do was to take just one step which would have taken me to a better end.

Then suddenly, while I was deciding to take that one final step, there was this brief moment. The moment when I got numb. That moment was filed with the silence of darkness. I could feel the air piercing right through my heart. I was standing there at the edge of the roof and all I could see was the ground beneath me. There was no pain, guilt, family or friend. It was just me and the ground. I could clearly see the pebbles and polythenes lying there. Everything else was hazy. My mind was not able to move my body and for the first time, it was all blank. Scaringly blank. Free from thoughts, reasons or its after effects. At this stage logic does not work. No matter how deep is your pain, whatever you believe or think, everything comes down to the courage to take that one single step.

And they say, people who commit suicide are coward. I was coward that day who took the hard road down to living the life.


PS: It’s just a work of fiction so I would request my family and friends not to call me and ask about life. It’s still sad, depressing and suicidal. :)