Friday, August 14, 2009

How to get a perfect child in 10 Simple steps

Train journeys have given me so much and especially when they are of 36 hours (Kota – Chennai), the deliverables increases in the same proportion. These long journeys have given me fever, food poisoning and tones of sweat but all that negligible in front of the numerous friends I made and memorable moments I savored.

Once during my second year, I was going back home and we have 2 confirm tickets and 4 people traveling. So it was like 3 people were sharing the side lower seat while 1 person sleeps on the side upper and it goes in order.

Now in our same compartment we have an old dude (quite lean, but awesome hair style and glittering eyes or simply you can imagine the description of Dumbledore). There was this young guy (read ‘chutiya’) who was assisting him. Now this old dude was the head of some youth development orientation program. Or I guess it was just one more shit association which people opens up to satisfy their desire to put fundaes and get funds, after retirement.

Anyways it was quite normal. Old dude manages to pull quite a lot people and the same old crap of westernisation of society, demoralized and uninspired youth were going on. But the good thing was, we the IITians were already enlightened and none of us decided to be a part of this

Later, my turn to sleep came and I acquired the prized birth and started snoring soon enough. After like 2-3 hours, I woke up just to find that the old dude has grasped all the IITians into his claws. And for that he has used the most intelligent tool. The thing which attracts IITians the most – 'SEX'.

I tried to put my ear into the conversation. Our old dude seems to be an expert in this topic. He has explored it all and now he has researched and came out with a perfect timing for sex. According to him for the perfect child the fertilization should be done between 1:30 AM– 1:45 AM.And he has theory of positioning of moon and wind to justify it also.

Now if you think about it sincerely, any idea how you are going to do it?

I prepared a detailed algorithm to give birth to perfect child and here it is:

S-1: Don’t shag or have sex or have sex for 7 days. Save the best swimmers for the main event.

S2: Decide an appropriate night after discussing with your partner.

S3: On the D-day prepare yourself for the D-night. Talk to yourself, get mentally prepared. Have some food with lots of calories.

S4: sleep early. Put an alarm of about 1 AM. Wake up and brush your teeth and have a bath. C’mon man , you are going to be father. You will be the role model for him/her.

S5: Start the foreplay at sharp 1:15.

S6: Move to lower base at 1:27

S7: Start the intercourse at 1:32

S8: Climax at 1:40

S9: Start praying.

S10: if it ain't work go to S1 and practice harder.

Now I know why we say 'practice makes a man perfect'. Its the practice of parents that made the child( going to be man/woman in future) perfect. [:P]

In the end, getting a perfect child is not so difficult. Isn’t it??


Abhishek said...

I can't really agree with you until I've tried it out myself and witnessed the results.

Pratik Gupta said...

@abhishek: sure mate, go ahead...all the best!!

INFERNO said...

I was just wondering who would do the timekeeping, If the girl is good, i think getting volunteers won't be a problem.

Pratik Gupta said...

@inferno: timekeeping with a whistle will be so cool [:)]

Nipun said...

sounds gud but elaborate sumthin on moon's location??

Pratik Gupta said...

@nipun: dude that moon location stuff is the secret of success of the dude-kickass-old-guy...i can give u his contact if u r interested [:)]

Nipun said...

for sure bhaiya..
But just like you m also waiting for the ryt time..