Office Humour - 1

Last night I was thinking to write something but the most irritating thing was, I was not able to find anything in my life worth writing. Nothing funny, nothing weird and not even regular sheer bad luck fiascos of my life. All good, better, ok, worst part of my life is office now. Its not that, I don’t find things happening in office deviated from normal but I prefer not to mention them in Public blog. Ok let’s say until I am working for this firm, Employee non-disclosure agreement prohibits me to. But then today, I realized that I can write on a general principle/policy/Mail-by-HR-for-getting salary which is followed throughout the world. So the first thing which came to mind was this piece which I did on this Diwali as my stand-up-comedian stint (stunt as you better say).

Corporate firms have so many great noble thoughts for their employee. Like they take so much extra efforts to keep them motivated (yeah yeah, I am expecting appraisal next month). Every company has Buddy/mentor/a guy-to-whom-you-never-talk policy where a guy working in the firm for long is assigned to you and you can discuss about your personal/work / pantry food / flush in urinals/hot chick coefficient related issue. I mean they put it this way on paper.

But do you really think it ever happens. The thing is we guys never talk about our personal issues with other guys. We go and ask for fag, we ask for score or sometimes deadlines too but we never ever talk about the roommate listening ‘Tum Mile’ songs from last 1.5 months everyday and neither about the cocky reliance cell alarm buzzing for 2 hours every morning. And trust me, these issues effect your efficiency and that too in badly.

So I have a suggestion for the corporate firms – Change your policy. Don’t scrap it but modify it. I recommend ‘GF Policy’.

Just think, you enter into the office first day and a GF is assigned to you. Now the purpose of your GF is to listen your blah blah, console you while you are sobbing after project review and keep you motivated.

The two most important things which a company demands from a employee is quality and meeting-the-most-unrealistic-deadline-potential. How my suggestion touches upon both the issues, let me explain you with two examples:

Example 1: Mr M has a tendency to leave the office at 8(though office timings are 6:30). Now the manager has a concern that Mr M is not working at full efficiency. He follow the top down approach that is Manager>> HR >> GF. The action is immediately taken and GF approach towards Mr M.

GF – Hey sona, why don’t you complete this work by 9 so that I can submit a report on this by 10 and then we will go for a beautiful dinner. Tum kar loge na jaanu?

Mr M: haan haan, kyun nahin.

Result: Mr M worked continuously from 11-8:30 and get the work done before the given time limit. Job well done!!

Example 2: Mr M is not able to understand a completely new industry, contact experts and suppliers, write a 80 page report along with editing, formatting in 3 weeks. In case, he completes it by above mentioned way then the quality is missing. Again the same cycle Manager >> HR >> GF.

GF: you know what, sheena is teasing me from the morning that Pratik’s report has got a great feedback and you reports is back with a lot of corrections asked again. You know how much hurt i am.You never think about me.

Mr M: no no dear, its not like that. Pratik worked on a report done before and I am working on a completely new industry.

GF: I don’t want excuses. Just tell me- wheter you will get a great feedback for your next report or not?

Mr M..ahh…. Definitely dear. Anything for you…

SEE job well done again!!

So that’s my point. A little changes in the policy and get the desired results. I guess I will be busy with some of my personal commitments (trust me, no gal involved this time. I mean except the one , my brother is marrying) for the coming few weeks but I have decided to keep my eyes/ear open and mouth shut and document some more of the office humor.

PS: Its like a dream coming true. My bro is getting married in Dec. Though he ditched me on the common wedding day plan but I forgive him whole heartedly for giving me the best gift ever – Boni Bhabhi. The day which we imagined so many times, in all so many different scenarios is finally here.